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  • Paul Davidson

When Aliens Attack, or Land Peacefully

The aliens are coming.

The most recent edition of POPULAR MECHANICS (Feb 2004) has a very interesting cover. It has a cover story about, basically, how the World would handle it if UFOs landed and we experienced contact with them. “What would you do?” they wonder aloud, “if UFOs landed?” And so, I give you my Top 10 List that I have dubbed…

Top 10 Things Paul Would Do If UFOs Landed on Earth

10. Shit my pants.

09. Change my underwear and promptly call my friends who now owe me $50 dollars a piece as aliens have now landed and I have won the bet we agreed upon back in High School.

08. Buy that HDTV flat screen TV, then quickly call the credit-card company to tell them that an Alien accosted me outside the Best Buy and stole my Mastercard. Then he, you know, “like disappeared into thin air!”

07. Have one of them sign my DVD version of “V: The Entire Mini-series” and promptly put it up on eBay.

06. Rewatch episodes of “Homeboys from Outerspace” and finally, for the first time ever, laugh at the show because it’s obvious that they’re really not aliens from outerspace since the real ones just landed and so, hey, now the show’s subject matter is funny, cause, well… Forget it.

05. Cover my butt-hole.

04. Get a pair of sunglasses. (See They Live if you don’t get this one.)

03. Immediately change my Friendster profile to “Looking to Meet Friends AND Aliens.”

02. Wonder, aloud, when Michael Jackson is going to be rescued from prison, by his family.

01. Shit my pants, again.


American Idol premieres tonight. And I have to be honest — the only reason I even watch this show, is to see the horrible singers audition. Then, I’ll watch the last episode. Everything in between is the most boring crap ever. People singing? C’mon! I do that in the shower everyday.

However, following A.I. (as I now call it) is some FOX show with a big fat fiancee. That’s more my speed.

What that says about me, is debatable.

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