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Today’s Imaginary Conversation With Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice

  • Paul Davidson
  • Oct 24, 2004
  • 2 min read

You may or may not have heard yet about the debacle on SNL this past weekend when singer Ashlee Simpson (sister of Jessica) was caught lip-synching to her songs when the “sound-people” accidentally played the wrong studio-engineered track. Although Ashlee sadly blamed it on “her band playing the wrong song” it was in fact the result of a lip-synch cover-up.

WFME was lucky enough to get a few minutes with Ashlee Simpson’s singing voice (via telephone), who was already distancing herself from the situation for fear of being involved in another Milli Vanilli nightmare.

Me: Hi, Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice.

Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice: Hi, Paul. Thanks for having me here.

Me: Quite a debacle on Saturday Night at SNL. What happened?

Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice: Well, seeing as though I wasn’t there it’s hard for me to tell.

Me: You weren’t there?

Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice: Duh! Why else did you think that girl was set up to lip synch? She had NO VOICE.

Me: SNL was a big get for Ashlee. A huge career making appearance. And you just never showed up?

Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice: Exactly. Someone needed to teach that tart a lesson.

Me: A little harsh, don’t you think?

Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice: Harsh? How about this for harsh… A girl who uses you, endlessly, to make herself richer, without ever really taking care of you. Never offering to give you a slice of lemon… A cup of tea… A losenge. When you don’t take care of your moneymaker, you don’t make money, Paul.

Me: So, she ignored you is what you’re saying?

Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice: Took advantage of me. Used me. Ignored me when I needed her. It was a one-sided relationship and I decided to teach her a lesson.

Me: So, now what? Where do you go from here?

Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice: Oh, I’ll eventually go back to her. When I’m good and ready. But not unless there’s a 24 pack of losenges waiting for me. Halls. Mentho-Lyptus. The kind that make your nose feel like you stuffed a double-pack of Peppermint Patties up there.

Me: Is that all it would take? Mentho-Lyptus and some tea?

(At this point, Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice began to sniffle and cry over the phone.)

Me: Are you okay, Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice?

Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice: Yeah, yes. Uh huh. It just hit me. It just totally hit me.

Me: What did?

Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice: That all I ever needed or wanted was some tea. A damn hot cup of tea. And she just never gave it to me. Sometimes it’s so tragic how simple a Singing Voice’s wants and needs can be. Sometimes it’s even more tragic how said Singing Voice’s owner never clues into that fact.

Me: Yeah. Yeah.

Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice: Yeah.

(A long big of silence, then-)

Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice: Yeah.

Me: Yup.

Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice: Okay.

Me: Ok.

Ashlee Simpson’s Singing Voice: Yeah, bye.

Me: Bye.

 
 
 

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