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  • Paul Davidson

The Bed, Bath, Beyond Factor

Currently, right this minute, there are identical arguments happening between married men and women, boyfriends and girlfriends and life partners at your local Bed, Bath & Beyond store.

They cannot agree upon which bathroom shower curtain to buy.

He wonders if this one would be good. She scoffs at him as if to say he is the stupidest man on the face of the Earth. She holds up one. He wonders how much it is. She says it is not too much. He says that they shouldn’t spend that much on a shower curtain that they may someday replace with a door. She says that won’t be for a year or so and why not enjoy a good shower curtain at least for that time. He holds up a plastic bubble shower curtain. She asks him if he is kidding. He returns a tone of voice that communicates he is not. She asks him to stop fooling around. He tells her he isn’t.

And so on and so on and so on.

I stood mere feet away from a trio of these conversations today. Men who were frustrated that (a) they were dragged to a mega-store filled with bathroom and household items, (b) that they were told their opinion was needed even though secretly it was not, and that (3) all their ideas were quashed.

Behold, the shower curtain argument pales in comparison to some of the others. They include:

the, “what do we need an electronic back massager chair for” conversation,

the, “put down those cannisters of cookies and come help me decide which bathroom towel we should get” conversation,

the, “wooden hanger vs. metal hanger debate”,

the, “big smelly candle vs. small non-smelly candle” argument,

the, “you can not be serious that you want to buy an oriental rug for the dining room” conversation,

the, “air purifiers really work” debate,

the, “i want to step out of the shower onto a soft bath mat even if it costs a hundred bucks” argument,

the, “i’ve always dreamed of laying in 500 thread-count sheets” discussion,

the, “that framed picture of a sumo wrestler about to fight the match of his life would look great in the kitchen over the sink” conversation,

and the, “if you get that flourescent orange bean bag pillow i’ll never sit in the den for the rest of our lives” argument.

There are probably more. They are all probably going on right as you read this. It is the never-ending home-furnishing weekend “discussion” scenario that plauges every human big, small, married, single, divorced, looking or desperate. You probably have had one of these discussions this weekend, will have one next weekend, or will witness one the weekend after next.

It’s happening everywhere. And it makes me laugh.

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