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  • Paul Davidson

Revenge of the Question Game, Part Deux

Once again, emerging from the darkness…yet another set of questions that range from the ludicrous to the inane. Answer them if you dare.

Question #1 Pick one of the following to happen to you.

a. You will wake up with both your feet replaced with squeeky dog toys (one is a hippo, the other is a giraffe) and no matter what you do to them, they will continue to squeek with each step for the rest of your life…

b. You must carry a yippy toy dog with you everywhere you go, including the shower, the bathroom and any other place you go 24/7.

Question #2 Your choice…

a. Your voice suddenly sounds like every computer’s “talking feature” which in reality, sounds exactly like Stephen Hawking’s computer. You can’t mask it, and you won’t ever be good at Karaoke again.

b. Stephen Hawking does all your talking for you (yet you must wheel him around in that damn wheelchair everywhere.)

Question #3 What will you do…?

a. The person you most hate will end up getting shrunk down to the size of your left thumb, then encased in a hamster-like habitat tube thing that is wrapped in a circle around a big hat that you must wear 24/7. From this tube, wrapped around this hate, the person you hate the most will constantly berate you day and night. You may never take off the hat, nor may you squish your most-hated person.

b. Your head will accidentally get squished inbetween two elevator doors (as they’re closing) and although you won’t be mortally injured — your head will look like a squished pear for the rest of your life. (This means, you can’t ever wear hats again, by the way.)

Question #4 Pick your poison.

a. You will become the National Spokesperson for an extra-strength hemerroid medicine.

b. You will become the National Spokesperson for Depends (adult diapers).

Question #5 One or the other, but not both…

a. You wake up one day looking like the kid from the movie MASK (deformed face like there’s no tomorrow) but you get a beautiful blonde, BLIND girl to fall in love with you…

b. You wake up one day as a beautiful BLIND person and fall in love with a member of the opposite sex (or the sex you’re attracted to) who happens to have a face deformity.

Question #6 Last choice.

a. At every job interview, you must bring a talking iguana, who can only be heard by you, but will make you wait to hear what he wants you to tell the people who are interviewing you…then make you share his own personal thoughts with them. If the people interviewing ask you what’s going on, you must tell them that you’re taking your talking cues from your talking iguana.

b. You will take a job as the sole caretaker of an iguana habitat at the local zoo, where you will eventually start to talk to the iguanas, halfway believing they are talking to you although they are not..

Do your damage, peoples.

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