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  • Paul Davidson

I Spit On You, Westminster Dog Show (#1)

I can’t swallow pills and I certainly can’t stomach the Westminster Dog Show.

I saw the Christopher Best Film Best of Show, and I have to admit, I was curious about the whole thing. Conveniently I came across one on television. It was pretty boring at first. Just a bunch of pretentious people walking their dogs. The dogs walked like there was a tube of toothpaste stuck up their butt. In a short period of time I went from bored, to confused, to angry, to building up my salivary glands.

1. These people name their dogs human names. There were no Spike’s, no Fluffy’s, no Rover’s, and certainly no Sandy’s. There were Donavan’s, Gastoff’s, Bridgett’s, and Jefferson’s. I don’t know if I should be upset there there was not a single dog named Pauly.

2. There are seven groups: Sporting, Non-Sporting, Herding, Hound, Terrier, Toy, and Working. My favorite is Non-Sporting, from what I understand, if you don’t fit well into the other groups, you are placed in a big catch all. Sounds like a participation ribbon to me.

3. There is a Best of Breed (BOB), Best of Opposite Sex (BOS), Award of Merit (another participation ribbon), and Best In Show (BIS). Huh? What is Best of Opposite Sex? Would it be best female dog? Wait..male dog? Who is judging? Is that what determines best of Opposite Sex? All I know is this winner does not advance. At this point, I’m ready to flip to the Amazing Race.

4. There are standing ovations…at a dog show. “Ch Darbydale’s All Rise Pouchcove,” a.k.a. “Josh,” won the BIS. There was music played and it was a “thrilling victory”.


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