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  • Paul Davidson

Friday’s Words For <i>Your</i> Enjoyment

Welcome to today’s first Official Words For Your Enjoyment. Every Friday, I’ll be looking to the people out there in the ethosphere to provide ideas for this column (sounds so depressingly professional, doesn’t it?) so get cracking!

Today’s subject matter is brought to you by our friend the Reluctant Writer.

Reluctant writer, wrote: “How about something about the new Citrus flavored Listerine? The ad is silly. Mom brings home the groceries, she calls out to her family “Oh see! I got some Citrus flavored Listerine.” The family runs and hides immediately. She turns, laughs and calls out “It’s not like the old Listerine.”

I have thoughts on Listerine and flavored-mouthwashes. I specifically have a problem with mouthwashes that do not taste like mint. Mint is mouthwash. Plain and simple. If I wanted my mouth to taste clean and fresh like a lemon/lime or orange, you’d better believe I’d just go out and eat an orange or drink some Sprite/7UP.

Mint, on the other hand, is an herb not readily available for the general public. That is why we HAVE mouthwash. For people who eat all the crap sold in their cities but don’t have a mint root around for them to chew on. So, why go to citrus flavored?

Here are a list of flavored foods whose ability to work as a medicine, are ruined by their flavors:

Fruit Flavored TUMS Cherry Flavored Cough Drops Cookies & Creme Flavored Chewable Pepto Bismol Cinnamon Flavored Milk of Magnesia Pizza Flavored Pringles Chicken Parmesan Flavored Anal Suppositories

(Ed. Note: Pringles are medicine for some people.)

Those are just some real and/or potential possibilities that the creation of Citrus Flavored Listerine is opening the door for. And I say we must stand strong against food and/or fruit flavored medicine. If it’s medicine it’s supposed to taste bad. If it’s a needle shot in your arm, it’s supposed to hurt. If it’s an MRI, it’s supposed to make you clostrophobic and make you scream for your mommy when they tell you they’re going to inject you with a sharp needle after you’re already secured and can’t move inside the horrible vibrating tube.

Sorry, sense memory.

Bottom line – companies need to move away from changing the flavors of their medicine and just make the stuff work better. Don’t you think?

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