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February First’s Day o’ Fire (Or, I Don’t Know Much About Fire’s History)

Fire.

(Insert sizzling sound here. In fact, if you can make that sound for me, and you do, and you actually REALLY DO make that sound, please make sure I know that you’ve been so dedicated to the process in the comments section. Really. Maybe you’ll win a ham or something.)

Fire.

(Insert crackling sound here. See above for extra details.)

Fire was invented some time ago. A really long time ago some have said. There was a point where there was no fire, then suddenly, FIRE! It was like the moment before those people on Survivor had no fire and then they rubbed some sticks together and crack! Fire.

But oh, the origin of fire goes way way way way back to the times when there was no fire. Instead of cooking food and lighting lights and burning candles in the midnight hour, there was darkness. People didn’t sing Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start The Fire because there was no fire to talk about it not being started. In fact, people might have said back then, We Didn’t Start The Red Painful Flickering Light Thingie Because We Still Haven’t Invented It And Don’t Know What It Is — which personally, doesn’t make such a great name for a song — so good job there Mr. Billy Joel for taking the shorter title and making it your own. Seriously, BJ — good work.

But oh, that fire.

There was a time when just right before fire was invented that people were wondering if fire could ever be harnessed without knowing just what this strange fire was. Sometimes people’s bellies grew warm in the sun and cavemen grumbled and wondered if possibly, maybe, such burning warm feelings could be created in the nighttime.

Some time later, those questions would be answered in the form of a flickering, burning, skin-flaying flame of goodness. Something that primitive humans gave them name ooooggggttttth, which translated in today’s English comes out to be fire.

We’ve come a long way people. A really long way. From ooooggggttttth to fire, the road was dark and cold and had very few off-ramps with hot food. Duh. Cause there was no hot food. Why? Because ooooggggttttth wasn’t invented yet. Nay, it wasn’t discovered yet.

Nay, it wasn’t fire yet.

(Insert sweeping dramatic cinematic fire-discovering music here. Please let me know in the comments section if you felt the sweeping dramatic moment here, because I’m well, just wondering.)

And yes — I do visit my psychologist regularly.

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