Today’s Brief Question About Why You Keep A Cigarette Behind Your Ear

Alright hotshot, here’s what I want to know.

If you’re a smoker, why keep a cigarette behind your ear? I mean, you don’t only have ONE cigarette if you’re a smoker…you’ve got a whole pack somewhere. Because if you ARE a smoker, you can’t just have one. So where are the rest of the smokes, and why don’t you keep them all together?

Of course, if you’re not a smoker, why the hell do you have a cigarette behind your ear?

Just wondering. Hotshot.

I Love You, But That Mole On Your Cheek Really Must Go

It’s a question that is as old as time.

I cross paths at least once a week with someone who has a big old mole on their cheek and they’ve got a nasty old hair protruding right out from the center — the kind of thick hair that if you were slipping down an embankment or hanging over the edge of a huge cliff and the only thing you could grab onto in order to pull yourself up and save your life was a hair coming out of a mole like I’ve just described, well… That hair would totally hold.

But when it comes to you, your mole, and that hair — I just can’t help but wonder why you’ve kept it for so long.

People Just Don’t Want To Eat A Stick of Butter

The world really has changed, my friends.

Back in the 1950’s there was a lot of craziness going on. There were people stuffing themselves into phone booths, Volkswagen cars and there were even fraternity pledges eating goldfish. In the 60’s there were people embracing free love and chemcially-enhanced drugs and in the 70’s and 80’s there were people swallowing balloons filled with heroin and taking planes from South America back into the states.

But today? You can’t even get someone to eat a stick of butter.

What’s happened to the daring people of the world, I wonder almost daily? What’s happened to the fly-by-the-seat of their pants, daredevils? Sure, there’s a few people out there doing crazy stuff, but on the whole, there’s just not enough people, per capita, keeping the wonder alive here in the States.

Words For Your Enjoyment: Your Personal Theme Song

Friday hath arrived doth again, dear readers!

I don’t think I could ever fully embrace or successfully pull off an “Olde English Speaking Tone” but if I could I would often use phrases like doth and hath and ye olde and scalawag (yeah, please don’t argggggh-ue). Nonetheless, Friday hath arrived and that means one thing and one thing only.

Yet another edition of “Words For Your Enjoyment” — where you, dear reader, supply the subject and I write the post that makes the whole world sing.

This week, singing seems to make perfect sense, thanks to WFME co-designer and pal Erik who writes, “Everybody needs their own personal theme song, right? Well, what would yours be?”

No, I Don’t Want To See You Balance A Salt Shaker On Sugar

You are extremely impressed with your out-of-this-world talents.

That must be why, no matter where we are, no matter where we go, no matter the time of day, no matter the mood I’m in, no matter the weather or time…if we find ourselves in a diner, restaurant or outside cafe — your hands immediately go for the salt shaker and a packet of sugar in preparation of what you like to call your “Greatest Show on Earth”.

No, I don’t want to see you balance a salt shaker on sugar and I hope it’s something you’ll soon take to heart.