Today’s Prognosis on Balloon Animals

There’s a reason why America is falling behind the rest of the world.

There’s a reason why the children of the United States are often less educated, more oblivious, extremely stupid, fantastically fantasy-driven, unrealistic, unmotivated and completely uninterested in bettering themselves for the betterment of a better country, better-or-not.

And it can all be traced to balloon animals.

Go to a birthday party in America and tell me what you see. Children, wide-eyed, staring vacantly at clowns and other silly adult-like figures turning their faces red (and potentially giving themselves hernias) as they try to blow air into a long, narrow piece of rubber. Gazing, almost trance-like, as stupid adults twist and turn the rods of colorful death (as I like to call them) into a limited list of six very uninspiring, uncreative, unmotivational objects that include (and ARE limited to):

The General Lee Big Wheel

I got this e-mail out of nowhere the other day — in response to nothing I was ever involved in:

I will buy your General Lee big wheel. I have a truck that I lifted and painted like the General. My mother was showing my wife some baby pictures of me. One was of me on the big wheel. I want one to match my truck. I looked all over the internet for one with no luck. What’s your price?

I have never been involved in any General Lee Big Wheel tomfoolery, just so you know. Never sold, pretended to sell, auctioned-off, what not. But still – not being able to leave well enough alone (see: phone solicitors), I responded:

Freakin-Silly Putty

Silly Putty ain’t that silly.

I think back to the time I was a kid and amazed at the fact that I could roll this ball of crap up in a sphere and bounce it off the ground. It never bounced nearly as high as those super-balls but it at least bounced a couple of times and how cool that I could make it into a ball and watch it sort-of bounce.

And then, to take that ball ‘o crap and flatten it out and spread it over a newspaper article and when I pulled it up, be left with a backwards copy of the newspaper text! WOW. Now all I need to do is find a mirror so I can read the obituraries or the second half of the third panel of the latest Garfield cartoon.

Toys!

I love toys. I love origami. I love cutting out things and taping things together and making them move all through the magic of cutting things out, taping them together and making them move.

I came across a cool site today called Flying Pig that has these great (and cheap) little desk toys that you can put together yourself. Then, without batteries or power they move! It’s like the coolest toy ever for a world like ours, that will soon run out of electricity.

So get to it.