- Thou shall have no other recording devices that use physical recording media like video tapes and recordable discs in thy household.
- Thou shall not give any program three thumbs up as no program, in the eyes of TiVo, is that perfect.
- Thou shall not give any programs from HGTV, DIY or WE a higher status in the Season Pass Menu than any major network show or else thee shall feel the pain of a TiVo filled with the same remodeling programs day in and day out, thus deleting said network programs before thou has the chance to view them.
- Thou shall not refer to the act of taping a program with typical tape or recordable disc technologies as “TiVo’ing” a program as this is using thee glorious name of TiVo in vain.
- Thou shall keep thy telephone cord always connected to the port of TiVo or face the wrath of the “Thou Hath Not Connected To Your TiVo Service In This Many Days” message.
- Thou must convince and convert any unbelievers in thy house to adopt the ways of TiVo.
- Thou shall never covet thy neighbor’s TiVo with the warranty-breaking 500 gigabyte internal hacked hard drive, as this is a false version of the true glory of TiVo.
- Thou shall never use the slo-mo button for non-sports programs.
- Thou shall never ever Season Pass Small Wonder, Punky Brewster or Silver Spoons.
- Thou shall never ever steal a TiVo.
It’s time for me to come clean.
I was sitting in front of the TV the other day and saw that my beloved TiVo was planning on deleting a variety of my classic Brady Bunch episodes (the ones with Johnny Bravo) and some of my Law & Orders and yet you had a list of Design on a Dime(s) and Entertainment Tonights and that the TiVo was almost to capacity and well, someone (or some show) was going to have to take the fall for it.
Although my finger hovered above the CLEAR button while I had your shows selected in my sights, once the first one was sent to the trash, accompanied by a lovely little TiVo sound — killing off the rest of them was easy as pie. It was the so-called gateway drug to bigger and badder TiVo behavior on my part.