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January 12th, 2007
First…read this.
Then marvel in amazement as I take what I learned from my unfortunate run-in with the homeless man asking for money and completely screw it up a second time:
Homeless Guy: “Got any change?”
Me: “Well, now that’s an interesting question.”
Homeless Guy: “Got any cash, then?”
Me: “Also a very interesting question. Thanks for asking!”
Homeless Guy: “Well if you don’t have change or cash, how are you going buy anything in there?”
[I pause. This is what it all comes down to.]
Me: “I’m actually exchanging something I already bought here for something of equal or lesser value.”
[SNAP! Triumph.]
Homeless Guy: “Yet you have nothing in your hands.”
[Oops.]
Me: “It’s in the car. Which I forgot. Which I’m going to go get right now.”
Homeless Guy: “Oh. My bad. Sorry.”
[I go back to the car and just drive home. I'll come back later with used pills or something and try this again.]
Posted under Street Smarts, Things That Rhyme With Gnomeless. | 5 Comments »
November 2nd, 2006
[Outside my local Rite-Aid, where I've already had a slew of run-ins with the homeless.]
Him: “Spare some change, sir?”
Me: “Sorry, can’t.”
Him: “How about a hug?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Him: “A hug. You know homeless people need love, too.”
Me: “Sorry, can’t.”
[I go into the store, buy my things, head back out -- at which point I'm accosted by my friendly neighborhood homeless guy once again.]
Him: “You shouldn’t be afraid of emotion.”
Me: “Oh yeah?”
Him: “C’mon, just give me a squeeze.”
[Afraid of the homeless man's emotional connection to me, I start making my way to my parked car with him still shouting after me...]
Him: “C’mon!! Just one hug!”
Me: “NO.”
Him: “Just a squeeze!?”
Me: “NO!”
[And I get in my car and drive away -- watching to see if he's asking other people for hugs. Which he's not. Which makes me even more nervous about coming back tomorrow for my prescription drugs.]
—
In other news, don’t miss tomorrow’s “Words For Your Enjoyment” — we’ve got a very special WFYE Reader Reunion happening tomorrow. That’s where all the commenters who ever commented on WFME since 2003 will be stopping by to chime in and say hello, tell you what they’ve been doing, show off their trophy wives, husbands & partners and give last year’s WFME Holiday Party a run for its trafficky-money.
Posted under Affection, Homeless, Things That Rhyme With Gnomeless. | 20 Comments »
June 21st, 2006
[On the way into the local drug store]
Homeless Guy: “Got any change?”
Me: “Yeah, no. Sorry.”
Homeless Guy: “Cash?”
Me: “Cash?”
Homeless Guy: “Yeah. Like a dollar or something? Just looking to buy a coffee is all.”
Me: “Actually I don’t have any cash on me. Sorry.”
Homeless Guy: “Are you going to buy something in there?”
Me: “In the drugstore? Yeah, but not with cash.”
Homeless Guy: “With credit?”
Me: “Uh, no.”
Homeless Guy: “Well, then I don’t know about you, but unless you’ve got a debit card or something you’re not going to be walking out of that store with anything you planned to buy.”
Me: “I’ve got a debit card, okay?”
Homeless Guy: “You know, you can get up to $40 cash back with a debit card in most drug stores and supermarkets. $300 per every 24 hour period if you do it via the in-store ATMs.”
Me: “Oh really.”
Homeless Guy: “Really. So, you technically have cash. Cash that you could withdraw while you’re buying your gum or whatever. And then you can give me some.”
A long beat.
Me: “How about some change?”
Homeless Guy: “Oh! You have change?”
Me: “Um, yeah.”
Homeless Guy: “Cool… Cool.”
You know what happens next.
I unload my pockets of change and give him everything I’ve got.
Posted under Homeless, Street Smarts, Things That Rhyme With Gnomeless. | 27 Comments »
