- Thou shall have no other recording devices that use physical recording media like video tapes and recordable discs in thy household.
- Thou shall not give any program three thumbs up as no program, in the eyes of TiVo, is that perfect.
- Thou shall not give any programs from HGTV, DIY or WE a higher status in the Season Pass Menu than any major network show or else thee shall feel the pain of a TiVo filled with the same remodeling programs day in and day out, thus deleting said network programs before thou has the chance to view them.
- Thou shall not refer to the act of taping a program with typical tape or recordable disc technologies as “TiVo’ing” a program as this is using thee glorious name of TiVo in vain.
- Thou shall keep thy telephone cord always connected to the port of TiVo or face the wrath of the “Thou Hath Not Connected To Your TiVo Service In This Many Days” message.
- Thou must convince and convert any unbelievers in thy house to adopt the ways of TiVo.
- Thou shall never covet thy neighbor’s TiVo with the warranty-breaking 500 gigabyte internal hacked hard drive, as this is a false version of the true glory of TiVo.
- Thou shall never use the slo-mo button for non-sports programs.
- Thou shall never ever Season Pass Small Wonder, Punky Brewster or Silver Spoons.
- Thou shall never ever steal a TiVo.
Isn’t it about time we did what the subject line up there says?
I mean, besides the old-time lingo with the thou shall not this and the don’t covet that, isn’t it time to write a new list of Ten Commandments for a new generation of sinners and annoying public nuisances? Isn’t it about time that the all-powerful list of ten rules to live your life by, come into the 21st Century along with the rest of us? Isn’t it about time?
Okay. I volunteer to revise them.
- “Thou shall have no other gods before me, unless they’re tight with movie or TV stars or have their own clothing line, wrist-band (with inspirational messages) or fast-food tie-in.”