I’m Not Leaving The Time I Called On Your Answering Machine

Unless you’re trying to solve a murder case in which I am involved, where I took the time to call and leave a message on your answering machine right before I dumped the bodies and flew to Alaska (ironically, which I was under the impression was out of the United States jurisdiction), there’s truly no reason for the time I called to be important.

In fact, even if I wasn’t involved in a murder (which I’m not) and you’re not involved in solving a case (which you’re not, unless you’re doing that home detective thing that Oliver in The Brady Bunch once did…which would also mean you’re jumping the shark), then…

I’m not leaving the time I called on your answering machine. Plain and simple.

I Am Writing This Post From Inside A Locked Chest Inside The Basement of Some Guy I Just Met At My Local Best Buy

Him: “Looking for a wireless router?”
Me: “Yeah. I am. Trying to extend my WiFi network at home.”
Him: “I’ve got a network at home that covers an entire square mile. I even get a signal in my basement.”
Me: “Oh wow. That’s gotta be awesome.”
Him: “Yeah, with transfer rates at up to 10,000 megabits per second.”
Me: “How fast is that?”
Him: “A minute video clip in five seconds.”
Me: “Woooooow.”
Him: “My property’s just up the street a bit. You could come try it out if you want.”
Me: “It wouldn’t be an imposition?”
Him: “Nah. Not at all. C’mon!”
Me: “Sweet!”

Words For Your Enjoyment: The Populars

Someday, when this planet is extinct, the WFYE posts won’t matter much.

But as long as Friday continues to exist and as long as you continue to exist and as long as I continue to exist, there’s a warm and fuzzy nature Friday’s got glowing around itself that makes me want to just scoop it up in both my arms, wrap it up in a sweatshirt and take it out for dinner at my favorite sushi restaurant. And as long as I feel that way about a day of the week, well, you should too.

Which has absolutely nothing to do with today’s subject matter.

Automobile SOS Buttons Are The New Crank Call

Do you have a new car?

Does your car come equipped with one of those “OnStar” or “SOS” buttons inside it? The kind where, if god forbid your car was hanging off an embankment, you would press and scream into so the authorities would come as quickly as possible to save you? The kind that, without actually even having a telephone feature enabled in your car, still calls someone…somewhere, with the simple push of a button?

Mine does. And it’s quickly replaced the crank calls of yesteryear.

I’m Here For You, Fellow Blackberriers

What makes people feel connected?

For some, it’s a familial connection. For others, a shared experience. Others feel connected by those who share similar religious values, grew up in similar towns, or even wear the same kind of clothes or styles. And then there are others who feel connections based on the jobs they have, the places they work or the people they know.

Sadly for me, I’m abnormally connected to people who have a Blackberry device.

If you don’t know what a Blackberry is, you’ve been living under a rock that has no Wi-Fi. It’s a phone and it’s a personal organizer that retrieves your e-mail and allows you to text message people and which has games and allows you to surf the web and so on and so on. There’s even support groups for people who are addicted to using these Crackberries too much, too often.