Today’s Imaginary Conversation With Katie Holmes’ Scientology Handler

While WFME’s previous imaginary conversations have been some of the greatest “gets” in the history of modern day journalism, today’s interview is one I’ve been dreaming of getting for years.

There’s been so much controversy over the last few years about Katie Holmes, her marriage to Tom Cruise, “their baby” Suri Cruise and whether or not Katie Holmes is happy about the arrangement. People have speculated about what’s really going on, and people have tried to assume they know what’s going on… But no one truly has gotten the real answer…until today.

Because today’s conversation is with Katie Holmes’ actual Scientology handler!

TomKat Is Just About Over

If you’ve read the rag mags, you’ve probably read that TomKat (the union of Tom Cruise and Kat(i)e Holmes) is just about over.

The problems that have been reported range from Tom wanting to keep a tight leash on Kat(i)e, keeping her from doing acting roles she might want to do, hanging out with her “old friends” and going to clubs, and generally doing anything that conflicts with the stringent rules of Scientology. Which are fine reasons for being “just about over” I guess — but nothing compared to what I’ve heard is really going on.

Some of my moles in the system recently contacted me with even better gems of impending over-dom.

Words For Your Enjoyment: Talking with TomKitten

Thank you for joining us yet again for “Words For Your Enjoyment.”

This week, WFME pal Sarcomical asks, “How about you submit to the lowest denominator and give us your version of what you imagine the brand new TomKitten’s 18th birthday celebration will be like?”

How about I do you one better, good old friend S-Mical, and talk to TomKitten now? The baby offspring of Tom Cruise at Katie Holmes has just come into this world after nine months and probably has lots to say on a variety of subjects, don’t you think?