I Will Throw Rocks In Glass Houses

Wouldn’t you?

I mean, with a pocket full of rocks and a house made of glass, there isn’t a much more intriguing scenario I can think of. Sure, throwing mini mandarin oranges in a house made of chinese chicken salad, or throwing chocolate bars in a house made of peanut butter or throwing thumbtacks in a house made of cork could be mildly fun…

…but rocks in a glass house? Priceless.

Ten New Ways To Sign Letters

Signing letters has gotten boring.

Sincerely, best wishes, from, yours truly — I mean c’mon letter writers of the world, can’t we come up with anything a little bit better? Can’t we come up with a list of ways to sign off at the end of a letter that would inspire, excite and intrigue the recipients of our scrawled words? Can’t we add some mystery and pure adrenaline?

I say, yes. Yes we can.

And so, without further adieu — I give you ten new ways to sign letters and I hope you will use them in good health, as often as possible, and with a sly grin on your face (which no one will be able to see because, c’mon, you’re writing a letter!)

Origins of ‘Bed of Shred’ (And Celebrities)

Let me first start by saying that I am the king of creating new sayings.

I have worked long and hard over the course of my life to create new sayings for the world that will stick. I don’t just look for the “Wasssssssssuppp!” sayings that are, let’s be honest, a tad mindless. I look to creating new sayings that will shape our lives and add meaning to who we are and what we do.

That’s where “bed of shred” comes into the picture.

How often are you making a cheeseburger (and you love cheese) and you put that cheeseburger on a bun or on a plate and you think to yourself about how depressing it is that there’s only cheese on the bottom? How often have you tried to troubleshoot the melting of two slices of cheese, on each side, while barbecuing?

Today’s Thoughts on ‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’

It’s not me…it’s you.

I don’t know what’s happened out there in society, but when did the trademark breakup phrase “It’s not you, it’s me” suddenly become the much more accusatory “It’s not me, it’s you”?

The original phrase used to work wonders in breaking up with someone you were dating, keeping one from having to list all the other person’s faults and hurting them at the same time — by just admitting (although it was a lie) that the reason for the break-up was out of the breakee’s hands since it was all due to the breaker-upper’s own issues.

But today? Things have substantially changed.

The ‘Ruh-Roh’ Disease

It is a disease that affects over five-hundred thousand American citizens each year.

It is an ailment that appears without warning and it is also a condition that can disappear without any medication or treatment overnight. It is something that primarily affects men between the ages of 17 and 36 and women between the ages of 21 and 28. It is often met with confusion and annoyance whenever the symptoms of the disease occur, especially in public places or around those who are free of the disease.

It’s when people say Ruh-Roh in a Scooby-Doo voice… As if, someone told them, at some point, that this is the funniest thing on the face of the Earth.