Where Have All The Clever Literate Sayings Gone?

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

It was the phrase that launched a thousand ships, if by “ships” I mean a whole bunch of other clever literate sayings like “don’t throw rocks in glass houses,” “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush,” and “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” The kinds of sayings that require a little bit of research, a little bit of smarts and a little bit of plain ‘ol everyday muscle grease to get to the bottom of their meanings. And yet here we find ourselves in 2007 with hardly any new ones to impress our friends with.

And so I say — where have all the clever literate sayings gone?

Housewarming Sayings

People keep searching for “housewarming sayings” on my blog.

I have no idea why there are so many people having housewarming events and I have no idea why there are so many people agreeing to attend these “housewarming parties” and even if I can get past those facts, I still have no idea why all these people attending all these events have no idea what to say when they get there.

So, I thought I’d step up and do a two-for-Monday here with a double-posting and give these desperate souls a little help for their upcoming housewarming events.

I Am So Street

I am so street.

Despite the fact that if you say it over and over again and look at that sentence and then suddenly the phrase seems like it really has zero meaning whatsoever, that doesn’t mean I’m not street. It just means that you have trouble saying a phrase over and over again and losing your comprehensive ability while doing so. But it doesn’t mean that me, in all my street-ness, has less of the street in me just because you can’t comprehend the streetability I possess.

Yes. It’s true. Street, I am.

It Is What It Is

Simply put, it is what it is.

No, it ain’t what it isn’t. It’s not what it is. It isn’t going to be what you thought it was and it’s definitely way beyond the big beyond. What it is isn’t what it isn’t and what it isn’t isn’t what it is. There’s a truly fine line in realizing these facts that I am here today to set the record straight about what is, what isn’t and what couldn’t possibly be.

But, yeah. It is what it is.

Birds, Hands & Bushes

Okay, time for a reality check.

Unless you are a magician or something and unless you can make birds appear where they normally shouldn’t appear — you need to stop telling people (as you cradle that one bird in your hand) that somewhere nearby there are definitely two birds in a bush.

It’s a lie, plain and simple — and it must stop.