What People Are Saying About Spiderman 3

Guy #1: “I’ll see Spiderman 3.”
Guy #2: “But I thought you vowed not to see it.”
Guy #1: “I changed my mind.”
Guy #2: “Why?”
Guy #1: “This one’s got a black Spiderman.”

## ## ##

Girl #1: “Tobey Maguire looks like an elf.”
Girl #2: “And Kirsten Dunst — please girl, fix those teeth already.”
Girl #1: “And that guy from Sideways is the villain?”
Girl #2: “Ugh.”
Girl #1: “We’re going Friday.”
Girl #2: “Yeah, us too!”

## ## ##

Guy #1: “They say Spiderman 3 is going to make a bucket of money this weekend.”
Guy #2: “Oh yeah?”
Guy #1: “Yeah. And that 4 out of 5 moviegoers have expressed interest in seeing that movie.”
Guy #2: “Well, what else is opening in theaters?”
Guy #1: “Um, that Drew Barrymore movie where she meets some guy at a casino.”
Guy #2: “And it’s still only 4 out of 5?”

When Change Askers Are Not So Good At Improv

Him: “Can you spare some change for a good cause?”
Me: “What’s the cause?”
Him: “Our mission raises money for the less fortunate.”
Me: “Like who?”
Him: “Like those who are in need.”
Me: “And how do I know that those in need will benefit from my donation?”
Him: “I’m wearing this uniform to confirm my employment by the mission.”
Me: “It’s just a white uniform.”
Him: “But it is symbolic of the work we do.”
Me: “The color is symbolic of the work you do, or the uniform itself?”
Him: “The color. White. It means we do good things.”
Me: “How is white a ‘doing a good thing’ color?”
Him: “Hospitals are white. They do good things.”
Me: “Sometimes they’re sued for malpractice, though.”
Him: “Well, this is sort of an off-white color anyway.”

The General Los Angeles Population Seems To Be Obsessed With The Missing Polar Bear From ABC’s ‘Lost’

[At the Coffee Bean]

Her: “What I want to know is where the polar bear has gone.”
Him: “It’s a big island. He could be anywhere.”
Her: “Well, it’s a big TROPICAL island. He’d want to stay somewhere cool.”
Him: “There’s a lot of shade on that island. He’ll be okay.”

## ## ##

[At the Comic Book Shop]

Guy #1: “I think the polar bear is also that amorphous black smoke creature as well.”
Guy #2: “What, he’s a shapeshifting polar bear?”
Guy #1: “There’s a shapeshifter on that show Heroes.”
Guy #2: “Exactly why ABC wouldn’t have a shapeshifting polar bear on their show.”
Guy #1: “Dude, don’t you know anything about how competitive the TV landscape is? I’m surprised Gil Grissom on CSI isn’t a shapeshifter by now.”

## ## ##

[At the Hair Salon]

Girl #1: “And he told me there was a polar bear on the show…so I watched it with him.”
Stylist: “Ohh, cute.”
Girl #1: “But there wasn’t a polar bear on the show.”
Sylist: “Oh, no?”
Girl #1: “Well, there was at some point early on. But then I guess the polar bear disappeared or something and no one’s seen the polar bear in awhile, although my boyfriend says there’s no way they could introduce a polar bear and then not have the polar bear show up again later on…so we’re still waiting on the polar bear I guess.”
Stylist: “Ohh, cute.”

Imaginary Dwarf Restaurant Pal (And 2 Other Overheard Conversations)

Guy #1: “Wouldn’t it be great if we brough an imaginary friend to lunch with us?”
Guy #2: “Sure, I guess.”
Guy #1: “No, really — think about it. We could totally ask the waitress for a high chair for our imaginary friend.”
Guy #2: “You mean, “our small” imaginary friend?”
Guy #1: “Well, it could be a dwarf.”
Guy #2: “Our imaginary dwarf restaurant pal?”
Guy #1: “Yeah, wouldn’t that be hilarious?”
Guy #2: “Freaky. Not hilarious.”

Guy: “Have you tasted this new PinkBerry frozen yogurt thing?”
Girl: “Is that the place that only has two kinds of yogurt?”
Guy: “Yeah. Regular and green tea.”
Girl: “Oh, yeah I tasted it. It sort of tasted like pee.”
Guy: “The regular or the green tea?”
Girl: “Yeah, I only tried the green tea kind.”
Guy: “Ohhhh. Well, the regular kind is good. It doesn’t taste like pee too much.”

Girl #1: “Global warming. Real or fake?”
Girl #2: “Good god, it must be real. It’s so hot today and it’s only March.”
Girl #1: “Well, I heard it’s gonna keep getting warmer, earlier each year.”
Girl #2: “Oh my god, total beach weather.”
Girl #2: “Seriously, I totally need a tan.”

Everyone’s Happy New Year Is Ruining This Country’s Level of Productivity

Man #1: “Oh hey. Happy New Year!”

Man #2: “Oh thanks! Happy New Year to you too buddy!”

Woman #1: “Oh, hey guys.”

Man #1: “Oh, hey! Hey, Happy New Year!”

Woman #1: “Oh, god. Thanks! Hey, Happy New Year to you too.”

Man #1: “Hah! Thanks!”

Man #2: “Happy New Year to you.”

Woman #1: “Oh! Thanks! And a Happy one to you as well!”

Boss #1: “What’s going on out here?”

Woman #1: Oh, YOU. Happy New Year!”

Boss #1: “Heh heh! Right back atcha!”

Man #1/Man #2: “Happy New Year, boss!”

Boss #1: “You guys pulling my chain!?” Are ya!?”

Man #1/Man #2: “Naw. NO WAY.”

Boss #1: “Well, then! Happy New Year!”

Woman #2: “Oh, hi.”

Boss #1: “What’s wrong?”

Woman #1: “Yeah, you seem down. Everything ok?”

Man #1: “Did you have a Happy Holidays?”

Woman #1: “Eh, not so much. Frank accidentally drove into one of the supporting beams of our carport, and took the whole entire thing down and the kitchen’s bay window with it in the process.”

Man #2: “Oh man, that sucks.”

Woman #2: “Yeah. Not a good holiday at all.”

Boss #1: “Well…”

Woman #2: “Mmm?”

Boss #1: “Things can only get better!! Happy New Year!”

Woman #2: “Awww, thanks. Happy New Year to you, too.”

Boss #1: “Thanks.”

Woman #2: “And to you…”

Woman #1: “Aww, thanks! Happy New Year to you as well!”

Woman #2: “And to YOU guys also!”

Man #1/Man #2: “Thanks!”

Woman #2: “No problem. Thank YOU.”

[A long long long long pause…]

Man #1: “Anybody wanna get some coffee at Starbucks?”

[Everyone’s faces light up.]