How Joe Pesci’s Speech From Goodfellas About Being A Clown Might Have Sounded If He Was Being Accused Of Being A NASA JPL Technician Instead

Henry Hill: “You’re sharp, you’re really smart. You’re really smart.”

Tommy DeVito: “What do you mean I’m smart?”

Henry Hill: “You’re smart, you know. You know math, that’s smart, you’re a quick guy.”

[Henry Hill points to a napkin on which Tommy’s scribbled some equations.]

Tommy DeVito: “What do you mean, you mean the way I carry the one? What?”

Henry Hill: “It’s just, you know. You’re just smart, it’s… amazing, the kind of smarts someone would need to be able to calculate and successfully get a spaceship to land on the Moon and everything.”

[It becomes quiet.]

Tommy DeVito: “Smart how? What’s so smart about it?”

Anthony Stabile: “Tommy no, You got it all wrong.”

Tommy DeVito: “Oh, oh, Anthony. He’s a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Smart how?”

Henry Hill: “Jus…”

Tommy DeVito: “What?”

Henry Hill: “Just… ya know… you’re smart.”

Tommy DeVito: “You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little f*cked up maybe, but I’m smart how, I mean smart like I’m a JPL technician for NASA or somethin’, I make astronomy seem interesting to you? I make you confused when I talk about black holes, I’m here to f*ckin’ confuse you? What do you mean smart, smart how? How am I smart?”

Henry Hill: “Just… you know, how you calculate stuff and sh*t, what?”

Tommy DeVito: “No, no, I don’t know, you said it. How do I know? You said I’m smart. How the f*ck am I smart, what the f*ck is so amazing about landing a man on the Moon? Tell me, tell me what’s so smart about that!”

[Long pause.]

Henry Hill: “Get the f*ck out of here, Tommy!”

[Everyone laughs.]

Tommy DeVito: “Ya motherf*cker! I almost had him, I almost had him. Ya stuttering prick ya. Frankie, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning.”