Reality TV Show Idea #45: Bathroom Splashers!

Title: Bathroom Splashers!

Concept: Ten contestants, picked from a nationwide audition process held in local Bed, Bath & Beyonds are challenged to wash their hands in a public bathroom in a timely manner, with the least amount of splash-residue. At the end of a ten week competition, two will remain — and one will go away with $100,000, a brand-new hi-tech designed bathroom and a year’s supply of Dial Antibacterial Soap.

Why It’s A Winner: Next to climbing Mount Everest and eating three packets of saltine crackers in a minute without water…washing ones’ hands without leaving a general sink/water residue is the toughest skill to develop. Current unscripted TV shows give wannabe-chefs the chance to get a dream job doing what they love… Overweight folks get the chance to lose weight and win money… Even nerds and beauty-queens get the opportunity to exist outside their comfort zone and go home a winner. In comparison to Bathroom Splashers!, these previously aforementioned shows have only half the entertainment value.

What’s Entertaining About It? Bathroom Splashers! brings the most annoying part of using a public bathroom to your home entertainment experience. How often do you walk up to a public bathroom sink/countertop and find water everywhere…as if someone took a bath in the sink itself? That frustration bridges racial stereotypes, financial gaps and religious ideologies in this country (and the world). Everyone knows how tough it is to keep the water IN the sink and OFF the countertop. Everyone can eat a scorpion or a bull’s testicle, but keeping water in the sink? That’s tough cookies, folks. Watching hapless Bed, Bath & Beyond patrons try to win the big money by washing their hands will blow shows like The Amazing Race (or, as we like to call it The American Airlines Ticket Challenge) and Survivor out of the water (no pun intended).

How Can I Apply? Application details will be available as soon as this project is purchased by a major network or cable channel for production. I will keep you updated on this.

Are You Feeling Confident This Can Be Made? Yes. Yes I am.

Words About My New Career

After some consideration, I felt it was time to fill in WFME readers to my new life change.

As a result of my two books not being made into movies, not being turned into animated shows and not being optioned by a big star for a passion project, it appears as if most of my dreams of writing have fallen to the wayside. For months I questioned my future. For weeks I wallowed in self-pity. And then I decided on a brand new career.

A career that would change my life forever.

Today Is The Day I Capitalize On The Success of Hairspray With Other Ideas for Movie Musicals Based on Grooming Products

  • Gel! A rollicking musical set in the over-abundant 80’s, telling the story of Dirk Meadows, a successful Wall Street tycoon who just can’t stop singing the praises of this over-performing stocks. Well-dressed, with a severe gel-encased hair style, he’s got the women lusting after him and the competitors shaking in their boots.
  • Pomade! Patrick Pomade has got the world’s greatest idea next to velcro — it’s a pomade that has a firm hold while still keeping ones’ hair silky to the touch. But Millie Pomade, his horrible evil sister, has got other ideas for his unique invention. She wants to use it to give the Soviets the kind of power they need to win the Cold War. Set in the 50’s, this down home country-western musical has such memorable songs as “Pom-pom Pomade” and “I Feel Product In My Hair That Isn’t There.”
  • Rogaine! Present day musical set in the world of Generation X, now reaching their 40’s and combing over all their assets so to speak. Follows Charles Wigglesworth, a conservative radio talk show host who often breaks into song while attacking liberal callers. Your feet will be tapping to musical numbers “Republican, Republi-CAN’T” and “My Hair Ain’t There” as Charles Wigglesworth realizes the honor in truth and the truth in honor.
  • Hairlights! A clever play on the phrase “highlights” this off-Broadway charmer will sing its way into your heart as you live the experiences of dull, drab librarian Keelie Evans, a teenager with zero friends and zero confidence. But when she meets the after-hours security hunk Dabble Steemer (who happens to be a hair-highlighting hobbyist) her black and white existence turns up roses! You’ll double over in laughter with such Busby Berkeley-esque choreographed numbers as “Do-a-Dye” and “Dewey Decimal is My Darlin’ No More!”
  • Licenex! This sci-fi musical comedy is ahead of its time, retelling the story of Invasion of the Body Snatchers with music. But instead of an alien infestation, it’s all about lice. Infesting people’s scalps. Government investigators Hank Worber and Sissy Keen stumble upon a small midwestern town in Oklahoma where everyone’s heads have become taken over by lice. They try disease control but only music seems to be the alien’s downfall. You’ll be on the edge of your seat tapping your toes with musical numbers, “I Don’t Like Lice, No Sir I Don’t” and “I Shave, You Shave, We All Shave.”

I Am The Master Tracer

I can’t draw for sh*t, but I can trace anything to death.

Which just goes to show you that art doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with talent, “an eye for art,” the ability to see the world in a unique way, or even eye-hand coordination. Impressionistic art, surreal art, traditional, retro, whatever-art — nothing stands a chance when you give me an opaque piece of trace paper and let me loose like a chick in the shoe department of Nordstrom’s.

And that’s simply because, in a nutshell — I kick ass as a Master Tracer.

This Week’s Amazing Events (And Who Will Play Them In The Movie Version)

How often do you say “my life is like a movie?”

For me, I say it all the time. In fact, if I had a penny for every time I said that, I would have approximately $8,933.11 as of this post being written. Nonetheless, without further adieu, I would like to present to you the events that have occured to me this past week and who will play ME in the movie version of such events.

As you very well know, sometimes the movie adaptations of real life events can have some, um, creative tweaking which is also the case here…