You are currently browsing the archive for the 'Manners' Category
May 24th, 2006
If you stopped once in awhile to look around, you’d see what was happening.
I don’t know if it’s me and I don’t know if it’s just Los Angeles, but it seems that everywhere I go lately there are people trying to infuriate the friends and co-workers around them by wetting their fingers in their mouth, then tapping their friends on an exposed area of their skin in an attempt to, you know, get them all annoyed and worked up. I’m not talking about spitting or gleeking or loogie-ing. I am not talking about coughing spittle or eating a sour candy and accidentally nabbing someone next to you. No.
I am talking about Saliva-Watch 2006.
Continuing words »
Posted under Manners, Saliva, Watching Things That Are Clear & Liquidy. | 12 Comments »
April 8th, 2006
Yes, it’s an immature problem.
And while it falls into the same category as other immature habits that formed during my college years (i.e. being trained to eat pizza as fast as I could to ensure my share, guarding my plate from scavengers and poking holes in beer cans and then popping the top for a quick painless drink), it stands high above the others as the most problematic habit in my entire life.
See, I can’t stop calling Shotgun! when approaching a car.
Posted under Calling Shotgun, Cars, Manners. | 23 Comments »
April 1st, 2006
Hey lady, I can see you.
Even though you’re hiding in your car in the supermarket parking lot, where you thought you probably wouldn’t be seen — you probably didn’t expect that I was going to be sitting in my parked car right across from you, talking on my cell phone and waiting for the rain to subside before getting out. You probably didn’t expect that I’d be sitting here, watching you, as you scarfed down a huge vat of what some people call Supermarket Deli Clam Chowder in a Vat.
And I wish you’d use a napkin.
Posted under Cars, Food and Drink, Manners, Open Letter. | 15 Comments »
March 22nd, 2006
- “I play a lot of video games, you know, for that whole eye-hand coordination… I mean, video games are a billion dollar industry these days… Did you know the movie industry makes less money each year than the video game industry? Anyway, I play a lot of video games and I just hurt my wrist last night playing Capture the Flag with my buddies online and so, um, it’s really hard to use my left hand to open, um, car doors.”
- “There are two types of women in this world. The ones who want their car door opened and the ones who get insulted by opening a car door for them because they want to be viewed as independent and self-sufficient. Well, I looked at all the options here and figured that I was better off not pissing you off, assuming you’re the kind of woman who wouldn’t want me to open her car door. Now, don’t get me wrong - I thought about the other option, but if you are the type of woman who would want her car door opened and I didn’t do it, I think I’d just generally not get as much wrath as I would in the other situation… So, you see? It all worked out.”
- “The valets get pissed off when you do their job for them. And you don’t want to piss them off because if you do, the next time you let them park your car they’ll steal all your quarters. And without quarters, I can’t do my laundry, and without my laundry I’ll end up having to wear less flattering clothing and then I won’t be presentable and your family won’t like me and this whole relationship will be doomed.”
- “If people see me opening the car door for you they’re going to think this is our first date, and really let’s be honest — that’s the last thing we want people to think.”
- “Chivalry is dead. No, I’m serious. It totally is. The News said so.”
Posted under Dating, Lists of Five, Manners. | 32 Comments »
February 23rd, 2006
I pulled up to a stoplight yesterday.
By itself, pulling up to a stoplight isn’t amazing or groundbreaking or stunning by any stretch of the imagination. Obeying the laws of the road just happens to be something I do because I like to fall-in-line like our local government and Highway Patrol expects me to.
But there was one thing I wasn’t expecting when I turned to look to my right, while sitting in my car, at said previously aforementioned “pulling up to the stoplight” location…
I was given the auto-nod.
Posted under Cars, Examining Stuff, Manners. | 33 Comments »
« Previous words - More words »
