When Gas Station Attendant Conversations Are Almost As Confusing As ABC’s Lost

Me: “Twenty bucks on pump seven.”
Him: “Pump seven?”
Me: “Yes. Pump seven.”
Him: “Maybe you should use pump eight instead.”
Me: “Is pump seven broken?”
Him: “You can just pull your car up a little bit and it will reach.”
Me: “Is there something wrong with pump seven?”
Him: “So that’s twenty on eight?”
Me: “Unless I can use pump seven.”
Him: “You could use nine.”
Me: “Fine, I’ll use seven. Can I go pump the gas now?”
Him: “Your destiny is in your own hands…not mine.”

The only thing I didn’t see was that damn smoke monster.

Spoiling Lost

Due to my connections in the entertainment industry, I sometimes hear things I shouldn’t.

In the past I’ve received spoilers for upcoming episodes on everything from Heroes to The Sopranos. I take such spoilers with a grain of salt, but am always here to post them for entertainment purposes and as a service to those who are interested. So it’s no surprise that the rumors of my willingness to share such inside details found their way to those working to finish off the fourth season of ABC’s Lost.

Such information, which you will not want to read unless you want to ruin it for yourself, are contained within.

The General Los Angeles Population Seems To Be Obsessed With The Missing Polar Bear From ABC’s ‘Lost’

[At the Coffee Bean]

Her: “What I want to know is where the polar bear has gone.”
Him: “It’s a big island. He could be anywhere.”
Her: “Well, it’s a big TROPICAL island. He’d want to stay somewhere cool.”
Him: “There’s a lot of shade on that island. He’ll be okay.”

## ## ##

[At the Comic Book Shop]

Guy #1: “I think the polar bear is also that amorphous black smoke creature as well.”
Guy #2: “What, he’s a shapeshifting polar bear?”
Guy #1: “There’s a shapeshifter on that show Heroes.”
Guy #2: “Exactly why ABC wouldn’t have a shapeshifting polar bear on their show.”
Guy #1: “Dude, don’t you know anything about how competitive the TV landscape is? I’m surprised Gil Grissom on CSI isn’t a shapeshifter by now.”

## ## ##

[At the Hair Salon]

Girl #1: “And he told me there was a polar bear on the show…so I watched it with him.”
Stylist: “Ohh, cute.”
Girl #1: “But there wasn’t a polar bear on the show.”
Sylist: “Oh, no?”
Girl #1: “Well, there was at some point early on. But then I guess the polar bear disappeared or something and no one’s seen the polar bear in awhile, although my boyfriend says there’s no way they could introduce a polar bear and then not have the polar bear show up again later on…so we’re still waiting on the polar bear I guess.”
Stylist: “Ohh, cute.”

And Now I’d Like To Take A Moment To Answer A Handful Of Questions Currently Being Submitted Through The Website For My Book ‘The Lost Blogs’

My few month old hilarious new book The Lost Blogs (which includes blogs from history’s most famous folk had the Internet been around in their times) also has a companion website. That companion website has a section that includes an e-mail address available for questions from the public. I felt it was about time to post some of the answers to some of the most common questions:

  • No, Abraham Lincoln has yet to appear on the hit ABC show, Lost.
  • No, I didn’t see last night’s episode nor can I provide you with the answer to the question, “How is there a polar bear on a tropical island?”
  • Yes, I am friends with Lost creator J.J. Abrams in my dreams, and yes we have gone on a three day ski-retreat creative brainstorming session weekend together IN those dreams.
  • Yes, I’m sure the people at ABC.com are annoyed at me and talk about me in their digital meetings on a weekly basis since I own www.thelostblogs.com, www.thelostblogs.net, and lostblogs.net.
  • Yes, Joan of Arc and the actress who plays Kate on the TV show DO sort of have a similar brand of “female gusto” that helps them get through trying times.
  • No, the World Organization of Manuscript Preservation’s site is not a part of Lost‘s elaborate on-line puzzle game connected to the Dharma Initiative.
  • No, when I told you that the W.O.M.P. wasn’t a part of the Dharma Initiative, that wasn’t a clever way of trying to confuse you in determining the solution to the secret on-line Dharma Initiative game connected to the Hanso Foundation.
  • Yes, someone paid me to write The Lost Blogs and no, they didn’t pay me in coconuts.
  • No, this page does not include a picture of a primitive version of the computer from the show Lost that people fawned over for episodes, typing in a collection of numbers to save the world from being destroyed.
  • No, I don’t know how many ladies in waiting Marie Antionette had, where Jim Morrison is currently living, and what Moses’ favorite sports drink happens to be.

How Watching the Finale of Lost Is Like Someone Smashing You In The Head With A Non-Stick Frying Pan

Disclaimer: There will be spoilers below from the finale of “Lost”, so if you haven’t seen it or care about these things, then please turn back now.

Let me pose a question to you:

Imagine you’re sitting in a college auditorium, with your laptop, about ready to listen to the Professor tell you all you need to know about a certain subject. Hell, you’ve paid your dues (i.e. tuition) and now it’s time to fill your head with useful information that you can, one day, use to your advantage.

There’s only one problem.