I Am Afraid of Keychain Clutterers

I’m shivering right now, just thinking about it.

Shaken to the core, just thinking about how even though you don’t need more than that key to your house, that key to your office, that key to your car and that fourth rotating key that opens things like that lock on the front gate or that public storage deadbolt — that you load up your keychain with things like squishy toys and USB flash drives and pennies with heart-shapes cut in the middle of them and much much more…

You are a keychain clutterer, and you make me cringe more than people eating tin-foil.