Words For My Enjoyment

It seems that the more I live in Los Angeles, the more I realize that celebrities are just like you and me.

Perhaps it was hearing about how Jessica Biel loves to eat an entire package of Oreo’s without pausing to breathe at all. Or the fact that Tori Spelling loves to eat the hardened top of pudding and nothing else. Or that William Shatner, while working on the set of ABC’s Boston Legal enjoys loosening the screws on his fellow cast member’s director’s chairs and watching as they collapse to the ground when they sit on them.

The stories are endless, but the reality is finite: this week’s sightings prove that celebrities are just like you and me.

Last week at the Studio City public library, some keen eyes spotted Ashton Kutcher getting nabbed for drinking water and eating a protein bar, then proclaiming that said water and bar weren’t his to begin with. Then, when the librarian noticed chocolate smeared on Kutcher’s face, just like normal everyday people — he offered the librarian a thousand bucks to forget the whole thing! Which she did!

Or what about the recent sighting of Anne Heche in a local Whole Foods supermarket filling up a plastic bag with yogurt covered peanuts just like you and me!? And then, when Heche got up to the front counter and she hadn’t memorized the bin number for the cashier, she did something like most of us do in supermarkets! She threw a fit, shoveled a handful of the peanuts into her mouth and said (all garbled like): “Now howffh dofff you like myfffh peaaanuts!?”

And who could accuse 30 Rock’s Tina Fey of being an “untouchable” celebrity, when New Yorkers spotted the actor/writer living out of a cardboard box on the city street “just for fun”? The SNL-er it seems set herself up with a cardboard box, replete with running water and electricity (and a buffet serving station) so she could experience just what it was like to be homeless. Crazy Feyer! Just like everyday hobos.

On the road, celebrities do the very same things you and I do. Driving on Los Angeles’ 405 freeway this week, some astute travelers noticed Pam Anderson’s car had a broken tail light. Which, like any normal citizen without “special privileges”, the buxom blonde was pulled over by CHP and issued, yes you guessed it, a WARNING! And then, just like you and me, she was escorted by three police cars in the carpool lane (even though she had no passengers) to her manicure/pedicure appointment.

Gosh, that happens to me all the time.

A bunch of other tidbits from this week that prove my point so eloquently about celebrities being just like you and me. Did you know that Jennifer Garner eats walnuts without ever touching them with her hands (for fear of contaminating them)? Or that Sarah Jessica Parker wishes she could replace her hands with a hair-dryer and a curling iron to save time in the bathroom? Or that Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams (when they were together and in love) used to fake huge public arguments just so they could get on the cover of the ragmags…just like I often do (and like you often do) for fun when we’re out at fairs and parades? And what about Blair Underwood — moles talking to us in our little ear tell us that he loves to go food shopping in the deli section so he can get free samples of cheese!

Just like you and me.

It’s nice to know things are just and right in Hollywood.