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October 20th, 2005
I can’t hear you, drugstore standing homeless fundraiser guy.
I can see you, sure, standing there with your little bell in your fancy white suit with a little pail that people can throw change into for your “supposed” homeless shelter fundraising event. You stand there, in front of my drugstore, every single day of every single week of every single month — and although I may be able to see you, I am a pro at pretending that I definitely cannot hear you.
I mean, don’t the people at the fundraising home base ever call you up and say, “Dude, you’ve been out there every day for the last year. Why don’t you come back to the office and do some real fundraising work.”
Posted under It's True!, Stream of Consciousness. | 11 Comments »
September 29th, 2005
It’s all a complicated, elaborate ruse.
It may have started in the 70’s when the little ten year old bastard that lived down the street from me got stung by a bee and his face swelled up like one of those actors who pretends to be fat in a movie so they can win an Oscar since acting from inside a fat suit is almost like portraying an idiot savant (which has also garnered Oscars in the past).
I remember seeing the result of the bee sting, and the horrifying allergic reaction and thinking to myself, “I think I’m really allergic…deathly allergic to bees.”
Posted under Fears, Insects, It's True!. | 21 Comments »
July 31st, 2005
Seems that Paula Abdul is crazy.
Whether or not you thought she was crazy when she danced her way into Janet Jackson’s music videos… And whether or not you thought she was crazy when she married cad-about-town Emilio Estevez… And whether or not you thought she was crazy when she argued and cried over her interactions with Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson on American Idol…
And whether or not it made you cringe when it came out that she’d hooked up (supposedly) with an Idol contestant…
Seems that Paula Abdul is crazy.
Posted under Celebrities, It's True!. | 13 Comments »
July 31st, 2004
I swallowed ink, and have lived to tell the tale.
I was probably 12. I was sitting on the couch watching television. I was chewing on the end of a Bic pen, happily chew-chew-chewing away. Somewhere around the time that Chuck Woolery gave his trademark “we’re back in two and two”, I tasted a strange taste in my mouth.
Aren’t those sense memories wonderful? Chuck Woolery and a strange taste in my mouth. (I’ll leave that one alone for now.)
When I pulled the Bic pen from my mouth, a stream of ink followed. I placed my fingers in my mouth, removed them, and saw that they were covered in stark blue ink. I absolutely freaked. I ran to my mother’s room and with my mouth wide open, blue ink dripping from all corners, said something like:
Posted under It's True!. | 22 Comments »
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