Today’s Imaginary Conversation With Me, 10 Years Ago

Me: “Hey, Paul.”

Me, 10 Years Ago: “Who’s this?”

Me: “It’s me, er, you. Paul.”

Me, 10 Years Ago: “Come again?”

Me: “It’s the version of you, ten years in the future, contacting you through the blog.”

Me, 10 Years Ago: “The what?”

Me: “The blog.”

Me, 10 Years Ago: “The what?”

Me: “The online weblog. Cyber diary. Digital journal.”

Me, 10 Years Ago: “Who is this, again?”

Me: “It’s you. From the future.”

Me, 10 Years Ago: Me? From the future?”

Me: “Are you on drugs or something?”

Long pause.

Me, 10 Years Ago: “Who is this again?”

Some things are never meant to be.

Today’s Imaginary Conversation With Kanye West’s Monologue Coach

CNN? P-shaw! MSNBC? Whatever.

WFME gets the exclusives, baby!

Little do people know, but Kanye West’s recent “off the cuff” speech on last Friday’s NBC Fundraiser Event for the New Orleans Disaster Relief was carefully practiced and rehearsed. WFME got a chance to speak with Kanye West’s actual monologue coach, Abraham Foster.

WFME: “So, Friday night.”

AF: “Heh, yeah.”

WFME: “There’s been a lot of press over the last few days not about Kanye’s new album, but how he went off teleprompter on the NBC fundraising special — how he rambled on with his passionate thoughts about what was really going on down in New Orleans…”

Today’s Imaginary Conversation With Mary-Kate Olsen (5 Years From Now)

Yes, WFME scored a conversation with Mary-Kate Olsen…although it just happens to be from five years in the future. Whatever, an interview is an interview:

Me: So, hi.

Mary-Kate Olsen: Hi, Paul. How are you?

Me: Doing just fine. But let’s talk about YOU. Things seem to be going really well for you in more ways than one.

Mary-Kate Olsen: Well, yeah. I have a movie coming out this summer — it’s a little movie called Batman Continues and I’m very excited about it.

Me: And what else?

Mary-Kate Olsen: Well, this is really big — I am dating Tom Cruise!!

Me: Oh, wow. That’s………great!

Today’s Imaginary Conversation With Britney’s Confirmed Unborn Fetus

You may remember WFME’s July 3rd entry in which I had an imaginary conversation with Britney Spear’s unconfirmed, unborn fetus.

Well, as a result of yesterday’s big news — a confirmation that indeed, Britney Spears is carting around an unborn fetus in her tummy, I was one of the first people permitted to revisit the subject and got my one-on-one interview. Based on my wonderful repoire with Brit Brit’s unconfirmed unborn fetus, it was no doubt that this interview was all mine.

The following interview took place on April 12th, 2005.

Me: Well, well, well…

Britney Spear’s Confirmed Unborn Fetus: Tee hee.

Me: You must be very happy.