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February 6th, 2005
It’s nice to be known as a “citation” in a dictionary of fringe words.
Such was the situation I recently came upon when I stumbled onto the Double-Tongued Word Wrester — a dictionary run by an American lexicographer for Oxford University Press in New York City, and found that their entry for the word gleek included references by yours truly and WFME friend Lori Bradley.
Don’t much what else I can really say about it except for the fact that my glands are all swollen over it (which means I’m excited).
Squirt!
Posted under Hygiene, Lexicon, Words Elsewhere. | 4 Comments »
January 17th, 2005
I have no problem telling you that you’ve got food in your teeth.
But there comes a point where I draw the line.
There are a variety of things I will not tell you that you’ve got goin’ on because it embarasses me more than it embarasses you. I will not tell you that you smell (from a lack of using deodorant). I will not tell you that you walk with a hilarious limp. I will not mention that there’s a mole the size of a quarter with wiry The Fly/The Fly II hairs sticking out of it. I will not mention your speech impediment, your facial ticks or your unique talent to spray everything with saliva every time you take a bite out of your sandwich.
Posted under Hygiene. | 13 Comments »
August 5th, 2004
I bought a disposable shaver yesterday that vibrates.
The Gillette M3 Power shaver is the most advanced shaver ever! It looks like a normal disposable shaver, it feels like a normal disposable shaver, and it shaves like a normal disposable shaver! But all the while you’re using this disposable shaver in the ways you used your previously purchased disposable shavers…
…it vibrates.
The idea of adding a special AAA battery into the shaft of the vibrating shaver has been a long time coming. But does that surprise me? Did it not take decades for a self-adhesive stamp? Did it not take years for personal-home Karaoke machines? Did we not have to wait for what seemed like an eternity for Shampoo plus Conditioner?
Posted under Hygiene. | 7 Comments »
July 14th, 2004
People, you really need to take a shower.
Between all of us, we have had those moments we don’t want to remember. We are walking through a department store or down the aisle of a local pharmacy or in a movie theater or at The Gap. And someone walks by you and there’s that unmistakeable odor.
Someone has really bad BO.
There are people who have BO and the BO simply wafts with them as they walk along their merry way. This is the first and most innocent stage of BO, where once they have left your current airspace, the odor is gone. A split second of hell, and then it’s over.
Posted under Hygiene, Prognosis. | 6 Comments »
March 30th, 2004
I walk around Los Angeles in a huge neoprene bubble, so it’s obvious I’m not a huge fan of people who share already-chewed, soft and stringy GUM.
I always seem to have such luck when I’m walking (or rolling) down the street here in Los Angeles, finding myself behind a couple, arm in arm, walking in unison. There is such love in the air. And what better way to share such love by, oh I don’t know — removing a covered-in-saliva chewy mass from within your warm, oily mouth and giving it to your soulmate to stick in theirs.
You know?
Posted under Food and Drink, Hygiene. | 12 Comments »
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