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May 26th, 2007
Him: “Hey, hope you’re having a great day!”
Me: “Yeah, thanks.”
Him: “That’s all, not going to ask you for any money.”
Me: “You aren’t?”
Him: “Asked you before. You were generous. Enough is enough.”
[Someone else walks past me into the drug store. The homeless guy turns to them.]
Him: “Spare some change?”
Other Person: “No, sorry.”
[They disappear into the drug store.]
Him: “Anyway. Have a good one.”
Me: “I have some change.”
Him: “Nah, no thanks.”
Me: “But I do.”
Him: “Your money’s no good here.”
[I'm already reaching into my pockets, pulling out change.]
Me: “Just take it.”
[He does.]
Him: “Fine. But this is the last time.”
Me: “Well, we’ll see about that.”
[I walk into the drug store with the strange feeling that the homeless are definitely getting exponentially smarter by the day or my need to be loved by everyone is making me stupider.]
Don’t answer.
Posted under Homeless, Intelligence, My Stupidity. | 7 Comments »
November 2nd, 2006
[Outside my local Rite-Aid, where I've already had a slew of run-ins with the homeless.]
Him: “Spare some change, sir?”
Me: “Sorry, can’t.”
Him: “How about a hug?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Him: “A hug. You know homeless people need love, too.”
Me: “Sorry, can’t.”
[I go into the store, buy my things, head back out -- at which point I'm accosted by my friendly neighborhood homeless guy once again.]
Him: “You shouldn’t be afraid of emotion.”
Me: “Oh yeah?”
Him: “C’mon, just give me a squeeze.”
[Afraid of the homeless man's emotional connection to me, I start making my way to my parked car with him still shouting after me...]
Him: “C’mon!! Just one hug!”
Me: “NO.”
Him: “Just a squeeze!?”
Me: “NO!”
[And I get in my car and drive away -- watching to see if he's asking other people for hugs. Which he's not. Which makes me even more nervous about coming back tomorrow for my prescription drugs.]
—
In other news, don’t miss tomorrow’s “Words For Your Enjoyment” — we’ve got a very special WFYE Reader Reunion happening tomorrow. That’s where all the commenters who ever commented on WFME since 2003 will be stopping by to chime in and say hello, tell you what they’ve been doing, show off their trophy wives, husbands & partners and give last year’s WFME Holiday Party a run for its trafficky-money.
Posted under Affection, Homeless, Things That Rhyme With Gnomeless. | 20 Comments »
June 21st, 2006
[On the way into the local drug store]
Homeless Guy: “Got any change?”
Me: “Yeah, no. Sorry.”
Homeless Guy: “Cash?”
Me: “Cash?”
Homeless Guy: “Yeah. Like a dollar or something? Just looking to buy a coffee is all.”
Me: “Actually I don’t have any cash on me. Sorry.”
Homeless Guy: “Are you going to buy something in there?”
Me: “In the drugstore? Yeah, but not with cash.”
Homeless Guy: “With credit?”
Me: “Uh, no.”
Homeless Guy: “Well, then I don’t know about you, but unless you’ve got a debit card or something you’re not going to be walking out of that store with anything you planned to buy.”
Me: “I’ve got a debit card, okay?”
Homeless Guy: “You know, you can get up to $40 cash back with a debit card in most drug stores and supermarkets. $300 per every 24 hour period if you do it via the in-store ATMs.”
Me: “Oh really.”
Homeless Guy: “Really. So, you technically have cash. Cash that you could withdraw while you’re buying your gum or whatever. And then you can give me some.”
A long beat.
Me: “How about some change?”
Homeless Guy: “Oh! You have change?”
Me: “Um, yeah.”
Homeless Guy: “Cool… Cool.”
You know what happens next.
I unload my pockets of change and give him everything I’ve got.
Posted under Homeless, Street Smarts, Things That Rhyme With Gnomeless. | 27 Comments »
