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September 4th, 2006
I labor a lot, people.
I also imagine what it might be like if I could perform a variety of other laborious jobs, in the event I was given the opportunity to try them.
On this wondrous Labor Day, I give you a selection of my most popular “I Could Be” posts, so that you may lazily peruse them without having to do any work on your own on this very important non-laboring holiday.
Enjoy.
I Could Be Your Smell Detective
I Could Be Your Safecracker Upper
I Could Be Your Superstar Anesthesiologist
I Could Be Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider Man
I Could Be Your Ill-Informed Tax Man
I Could Be Your Greek God of Misplacement
I Could Be The Hottest Young Rookie In NASCAR History Thanks To Days of Thunder
Posted under Holidays, I Could Be. | 2 Comments »
July 4th, 2006
I need you.
I really really really really need you. And not the kind of surfacy-needing you that makes you laugh a “ho ho ho he’s so funny” kind of laugh, but the real emotionally-invested kind of needing. The kind of needing a newborn has for its mother. The kind of needing one person has for another after they’ve been together in a relationship for so long that they has little independent thought remaining. The kind of need that can only be satisfied by 24-7 attention.
Yes, people. This is just part of my declaration of dependence.
Posted under Holidays. | 14 Comments »
May 29th, 2006
You probably won’t like me anymore after I admit this.
But it being Memorial Day and all (a day of remembering those who fought for our country and a day of making admissions related to chewable but not digestable snack products) I figured it was time to admit to doing something that I think everyone else probably does but never admits it for fear of being looked at with suspicious eyes.
Yes, today I’d like to admit that I… feel gum.
Posted under Feeling, Gum, Holidays. | 8 Comments »
December 26th, 2005
It’s over, okay?
When a holiday comes but once a year but then comes every single year after the year in question, you have one day and one day only in which to discuss said holiday, wish others said holiday’s greetings and smile and joyously tout the greatness of your once a year holiday extravaganza.
But as of today…you shouldn’t be able to do that anymore.
Posted under Holidays, It's True!, You. | 25 Comments »
December 25th, 2005
I can determine what’s in that box without opening it whatsoever.
On today, a glorious day where people sit around tall brush, stuff their stomachs to the point of sickness and rip at boxes covered in processed, patterned and colored-versions of the brush standing above them, I stand alone as the man with the plan…the dude with the ‘tude…and the guy with the rocks to refrain from opening a box…
All because I can determine what’s inside of it without opening it whatsoever.
Posted under Holidays. | 12 Comments »
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