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December 24th, 2006
With tonight being Christmas Eve and tomorrow being Christmas Day, WFME would like to present “A Few Christmas Thoughts” from WFME.
- If I open my mouth just slightly, and let some water from a water bottle slowly pour into the back of my mouth, I can technically drink water without ever swallowing whatsoever.
- If you have an itch and you don’t itch it, that itch’ll get worse before it ever gets better.
- Every liquid on earth can be blended and turned into a thicker version of itself except for one liquid: saliva.
- Is Jesus’ last name Christ? If it is, did he get mail delivered to Mr. Christ? If his last name was Weber (like my 6th grade elementary school teacher) would tonight be denoted as Webermas Eve?
- The most painful thing to get hit in the head with, contrary to popular belief, is a coffee table book. It hurts more than most other household items and I can only imagine it hurts more than a two by four that accidentally fell from a second story window.
- I wish people would stop saying ‘Never Say Never’ everytime I say “Never.”
- “Frosty the Snowman” is a redundant song/TV show title. He’s a snowman, people. He’s already frosty. Why not use the first word to give the snowman a little more description? Aggrivated? Sheepish? Warm on the inside? C’mon, let’s get creative.
- Danger really is someone’s middle name. Someone I know.
Posted under Holidays. | 8 Comments »
November 24th, 2006
If you listen to the news or talk to the “tastemakers” you know that today is the biggest shopping day of the entire year.
People were up while you were still sleeping, waiting in lines just so they could get their little hands on $2.99 DVDs, cheap flat panel televisions, and a myriad of other “overstock items” that have been prettied up by the word SALE. But still, if Best Buy can sell all their remainder DVDs by offering up great prices that drive the masses to their locations, then why isolate the fun to consumer related products? Why not include the blogs as well!?
That’s why TODAY ONLY there’s amazing deals here at WFME.
Posted under Blogging, Holidays, Shopping, Words Elsewhere. | 4 Comments »
November 23rd, 2006
Dear All of You,
First of all, I’d like to say that I’m extremely thankful that I’ll be spending Thanksgiving with you today. Having you share today’s festivities with me is a wonderful thing and I hope that you, too, have a day you’ll never forget. I’d also like to hope that you don’t take both dark meat drumsticks off the turkey plate before asking everyone at the table if they, maybe, want a dark meat drumstick as well. I mean, there are only two dark meat drumsticks. Think about that. If you were sitting at a fancy dinner in a fancy four star restaurant and they brought the bread basket and it was filled with tons of different kinds of bread but only two (2) olive bread slices — would you take both olive bread slices without asking the rest of the table if they maybe wanted one too? Probably not. That’s why you’d better ask before you snag the only two dark meat drumsticks for yourself and before you justify in your head that no one’s eating dark meat these days because of the health reports coming out about dark meat versus white meat. Just ask before you take.
Same goes for the marshmallow topping on top of the sweet potatoes. There’s only just so much marshmallow topping and you can’t take a scoop of sweet potato and enjoy it without a helping of marshmallow topping. And if you did what you did last year where you scoop some sweet potato and then scoop up a bunch of marshmallow off the top of other sweet potato areas, people will be left with servings of sweet potato and no marshmallow. So don’t do that either, okay?
Like I said, I’m extremely thankful that I’ll be spending Thanksgiving with you today.
Love, Me.
Posted under Holidays, Open Letter, Thanksgiving. | 9 Comments »
October 29th, 2006
I’ve already bought the candy.
I’ve packed it away in the cupboards and the fridge so that nothing will melt or look questionable. I’ve discarded the cheesy drugstore costumes in favor of a cool little number that will make me look as if I don’t need to dress up for the dark holiday. I’ve carved pumpkins and I’ve draped lights, I’ve discarded pennies and apples… I’m doing everything I can with one very important goal in mind:
I am going to be the coolest Halloween candy giver ever.
Posted under Candy, Halloween, Holidays. | 20 Comments »
October 2nd, 2006
Some people will be celebrating a holiday today in which they will ask God forgiveness for their sins. For others, like me, I will be asking my readers forgiveness for this compilation tape, which contains all the WFME podcasts and which could (if I was a blogwhore) sell as a special edition CD with scratch n’ sniff liner notes.
But alas, instead I’d like to give you some behind-the-scenes trivia about each of these podcasts that you may use in your everyday conversation free of charge.
Cough, Podcast, Cough
The podcast that began it all where I lampoon all those other podcast creators who think that using voice effects while they whisper the title of their podcast over and over again makes it professional. Trivia: If you listen carefully during my pauses, you’ll hear 7th Heaven star Jessica Biel telling me “the mac and cheese is done.”
Posted under Compilations, Holidays, MP3. | 5 Comments »
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