A List of My Latest Athletic Accomplishments To Date*

  • Shot a 68 on the Firestone golf course (par of 70).
  • Got the awesome opportunity to throw the football to some classic 49er players.
  • Experienced what it’s like to see USC and UCLA play a nail-biting game with the out of control crowd all around me.
  • Jumped out of a helicopter at the top of a remote snowy peak, then skied down the mountain.
  • Actually got to drive a car around the classic German track, Nürburgring.
  • Played, and won a game of street basketball.
  • Blocked five goal attempts in a game of ice hockey.
  • Hiked tens of miles across jagged mountainous terrain with three close friends.
  • Went spelunking in uncharted caves.

Prison Break: The Drinking Game

Aw, I feel bad for FOX’s Prison Break.

What was a pretty kick-ass show in its first season has quickly become the equivalent of a “shaggy dog story” (a story that goes on and on with no real end in sight, and then when the end comes it’s laughable) with its twisting plot lines and overly dramatic plot points. And apparently, besides people watching it for pretty-boy Wentworth Miller, there really isn’t much more of a reason to watch it…until now.

I give you Prison Break: The Drinking Game.

The Post Where I Introduce My Hypothesis That People In Society Are Extremely Bored, Thus The Creation of a New Game Called High-Stakes Bingo

People are extremely bored, aren’t they?

That’s why things like Texas Hold ’em became so popular. That’s why the country is locked their frenetic grip around a simplistic game show called Deal or No Deal where people simply pick cases and hope something good is inside of them. That’s why movies that involve people doing painful things to themselves (i.e. Jackass 2) will seemingly keep people’s attention for over 90 minutes.

And that’s why high-stakes Bingo has been created as well.

I Refuse To Say ‘Uno’ In Uno

All I ever wanted in life was a little consistency.

Honestly, is wanting consistency in the world that surrounds me really that much to ask for? Is wanting the world and the rules and the laws to make sense really something so outlandish to desire? Is hoping for Peace on Earth really going to happen and are people really going to get along if chaos is being secretly engineered behind the scenes by those in charge? I say no.

That’s why I refuse to say “Uno!” in UNO.

I Am Afraid of Marco Polo

No, not the historical figure from a wildly-hilarious upcoming book.

I’m talking about the underwater game that chooses one unlucky (and potentially unliked) person to be blindfolded, shoved into the deep end of a pool, then challenged to walk around in that pool, with water potentially lapping up and over their head, while they yell Marco! over and over again (like an escaped mental patient) with the desperate hope that someone, anyone, JUST ONE DAMN PERSON, will shout back Polo! from somewhere or anywhere within the dark, wet abyss.

It’s a childhood game that shakes me to the core.