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January 7th, 2007
It’s only January 7th and here comes a new fear.
Someone just told me that if you rest your head on a movie theater headrest and rub it around that you could potentially get some kind of obscure headrest lice that will eventually cause all your hair to fall out. It’s sort of like a tapeworm in your intestines, except this one is on your head. And you get it by going to the movies.
Thanks, Hollywood. Thanks a lot.
Now this means that I have to always wear a hat to the movies, which will not only make my head itchy but it will also cause me to have to take off my hat at regular intervals in the movies so I can scratch my head, which will allow people to see my messed up hair in the middle of a movie. Even worse, since I go to the same movie theater all the time, now they’re going to always see me wearing a hat and they’re going to start talking behind my back about how I’m probably one of those no-shower movie goers. You know, the kinds who never shower and just show up with a hat to see flicks.
It’s not worse than the head lice thing, but it comes pretty damn close.
Posted under Diseases, Fears, Film, Lice. | 15 Comments »
December 7th, 2006
Listen. I had Taco Bell a few weeks ago.
When I normally go to Taco Bell, it’s every once in a blue moon, since eating Taco Bell is like eating death in the form of a burrito with sour cream, yet that death burrito tastes like heaven. So, it’s sort of a heavenly, death-like experience with sour cream, that I rarely enjoy but wholeheartedly do when time and body image permits. Such a moment arrived a few weeks ago, I had a burrito with sour cream and onions.
And now I’m afraid I’ve got a low grade E-Coli infection.
Posted under E-Coli, Fears, Food and Drink, Taco Bell. | 14 Comments »
September 28th, 2006
Symmetry is the new hot.
Look around in the fashion mags or listen to the hosts of nighttime news magazines laud the hotness factor of stars with symmetrical faces. Marvel in wonder as people say things like, “her face is totally symmetrical and she will never have to work for a thing in life because of it…” Stare deer-like and stunnishly at people whose left side of their face and bone structure exactly match the right side of their face in a perfect bit of genetic architecture.
And then be afraid, like me, that your face isn’t symmetrical at all.
Posted under Fears, Me, Symmetry. | 20 Comments »
July 20th, 2006
I’ve seriously got a problem.
And it isn’t the kind of problem that I can go to a doctor for. Or a dermatologist. Or a surgeon. Or a doctor who deals with a major calcium deficiency. Or the kind of doctor who puts you in a air-tight examination room in a paper gown, asks you to sit on a paper-covered table (circa 1957) and makes you sit there with a draft up your butt for 45 minutes.
No, this problem (and me, personally) seems to be far more elusive than that.
Posted under Ailments That Very Well May Be Ailments, Fears, Hiding. | 20 Comments »
July 6th, 2006
I had been away from my home for a week.
Over that time, I had a house sitter looking after the dog and the home and the massive DVD collection and a myriad of other home-related items. Phone check-ins with the “sitter” would go smoothly. E-mails would come back with cheery replies. But when I would return home, something strange would shake me to the bone.
Lime juice. That wasn’t mine. In my fridge.
I stood in front of the open fridge even more startled than the time I found a squirrel in it. At least with the squirrel it all made sense. At least a squirrel crawling in through an open doggie-door and into an open fridge made perfect sense in a “hunter/gatherer” kind of animal-kingdomesque way. But to come face to face with a brand-new, never-opened bottle of lime juice?
Posted under Fears, Food and Drink. | 16 Comments »
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