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June 26th, 2006
August 10, 1989: In preparation of going to college, I go shopping at the local mall. While there, standing in a Pacific Sunwear store, I notice a particularly hot pair of peach/grey parachute pants in one size (XL). I buy them immediately without trying them on.
September 27, 1989: The first all-dorm Friday night party. I put on my parachute pants with vigor, wearing them to a room on the third floor where Jello shots are being made. A girl named Mary compliments my parachute pants and even says, “Wow, those are cool.”
October 8th, 1989: Dorm residents and friends decide to sun themselves on the roof of the facility on a particularly lazy Sunday afternoon. I wear my parachute pants up to the roof, but take off my shirt. The guy from 203D makes fun of them and so I take them off and just wear the shorts I had on underneath, instead.
October 8th, 1989: At about 10:35pm PST (before going to bed) I realize I left my parachute pants up on the roof. I go up there to find them but they are gone.
October 9th, 1989: I check the dormitory’s lost and found for my parachute pants but there is only a container of Bull Frog sunscreen and a comb. I consult with my Resident Advisor and he tells me to hang in there.
October 15th, 1989: More sunning, the following Sunday. I sun without thinking about my parachute pants.
June 25th, 2006: I wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat after having a dream about my parachute pants and wondering just what happened to them.
Posted under Fashion. | 25 Comments »
December 21st, 2005
The more I think about it, the more I want to wear an eyepatch.
Before you say anything, get that whole black-pirate styled eyepatch visual out of your head. I’m talking about wearing a fashionable, smart-looking, eye-protecting, mystery-driving, fad starting, alluring, sexy, peripheral-vision reducing, half-in-the-dark causing eye patch on my eye.
I think it would really change my life for the better.
First and foremost, let’s get away from the whole “a rabid animal gnawed out my eyeball and that’s why I’m wearing a black eye patch” scenario. That only happens in storybooks and parts of town where the zoo that tortures their animals by day doesn’t lock the cages at night. Sure, there are people who wear them because they have lazy eyes (to which I say, take a shower, shave, and go “look” for a job) and people who have some awkward vision ailment — but once again I am not talking about these scenarios.
Posted under Clothing, Fashion. | 38 Comments »
October 11th, 2005
Barber. Haircutter. Stylist.
Whatever you call them and whatever they charge you and no matter if they store their black combs in flourescent blue liquid or clear water, they all have one thing in common.
Talking to them, is often, worse than a first date.
That is why it saddened me this week when I realized that, once again, as I have changed personnel on my Official Hair Cutting Tour 2005 — I have absolutely nothing in common with my hair stylist.
Posted under Fashion. | 30 Comments »
July 9th, 2005
Life is full of cycles.
You are born bald, without teeth, without the ability to talk or go to the bathroom on your own, with a limited range of communication skills and somewhat helpless. And on your way out of this world, it is often more of the same.
But there are cycles of learning that, while they do not represent the helplessness of new or old life, they can make you feel like a complete idiot with no concept of what to do, how to do it or why you’re even concerned with doing it in the first place.
I am speaking to “dressing” ones’ self.
Posted under Fashion. | 10 Comments »
January 19th, 2005
Let me set the scene for you, as I always do.
You’re at The Gap. Or Banana Republic. Or Express. Or Macy’s. Or Nordstrom’s. Or any mall-based super-department store kind of clothing happy locale. You are going to buy a pair of pants or a shirt but you must try it on first. Well, off to the fitting rooms you go!
Once inside, you’ll notice there are mirrors everywhere. Behind those mirrors, in most every single fitting room in the country, are cameras. Those cameras are connected to monitors. Those monitors are being watched by security personnel or being recorded onto video tapes.
Posted under Fashion. | 5 Comments »
