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September 27th, 2006
[Fade In]
Some guy walks into some kind of a public place wearing typical clothes for whatever time of year it is and approaches another character:
Guy: “Hi there.”
Other Character: “Oh my god, it’s you!”
[Insert ominous music here.]
Guy: “Yeah, it’s me. What do you mean by that?”
Other Character: “Well, you did that thing over at that place and everyone was amazed at what you did when you were over there doing your thing.”
[A third character walks into the place where they're all at.]
Third Character: “What’s going on here?”
Other Character: “This guy over here is THAT GUY I was telling you about over at that place the other day.”
Third Character: “Are we safe?”
Other Character: “Well, that’s anyone’s guess.”
Guy: “Yeah, we might not be safe because of that thing that may happen any minute now.”
[A car of some kind crashes into a pole outside this place everyone's at, and all three of our characters rush out of this non-descript place to witness the accident and see if the driver is okay. The driver is some kind of woman character and she stumbles out of the vehicle and onto the ground, gasping!]
Some Kind of Woman Character: [Gasping]
Third Character: “Are you okay?”
Some Kind of Woman Character: “We’ve got to hide, and quick!”
Guy: “They’re on their way here, aren’t they?”
Other Character: “They followed her!?”
Some Kind of Woman Character: “It’s true. They’re coming. Right now.”
Guy: “This is not good. Not good at all!”
[End Scene]
Posted under Excerpts, Screenwriting. | 20 Comments »
August 22nd, 2006
[Curtain opens.]
[MAN and WOMAN stand over a stove. She boils water while he stares intently.]
Man: “What are you doing?”
Woman: “Oh, just boiling water.”
Man: “Boiling water for what?”
Woman: “I’m making tea.”
Man: “Tea? Really. What kind of tea?”
Woman: “Green tea.”
Man: “Oh wow, green tea.”
Woman: “Yeah, they say it’s good for you.”
Man: “Who is ‘they’?”
Woman: “Doctors. Chinese herbalists. My trainer.”
Man: “Good for you…how?”
Woman: “Speeds up your metabolism. Good for a healthy heart.”
Man: “Green tea.”
Woman: “Yeah. It can also cure bad cases of acne and arthritis.”
Man: “Wow.”
Woman: “And lower your cholesterol.”
Man: “Green tea?”
Woman: “Yeah. And it’s great for your reflexes.”
Man: “Hmm.”
Woman: “Oh, and if you’ve ever had migraines or isolated seizures, green tea helps with that too.”
[MAN picks up the box of tea, examines the contents.]
Man: “Green tea?”
Woman: “Yes. Green tea.”
[MAN grabs WOMAN, kisses her passionately.]
[Curtain close.]
Posted under Excerpts. | 16 Comments »
July 30th, 2006
“And then I saw it. Sherri Nakasawa always brought me something special before the meal began. That’s why I kept going back to the restaurant. Sometimes it was soup. Other days, a fried confection of some kind. But today, she revealed a fluffy ball of bread with (as she whispered quietly into my left ear), ‘a surprise inside.’
I looked to her with a look of confusion and a look of surprise all at the same time. It was more surprise than confusion but if you didn’t know me you might say, ‘Hey that guy looks sort of half confused and half surprised all at the same time.’ Then again, if you did know me you might say, ‘Hey there he goes again with his more surprised and less confused look that he normally gives when he’s really surprised in the first place.’
But none of that mattered as I dug my fork into the center of this luxurious fluffy ball of white yeast. White like the burning whites of some guy’s burning eyes (but not really burning, more like a mad/angry kind of burning) but transformed into a huge oversized fluffy and misshapen ball of bread. And as my fork passed through the center of the newfound delicacy my eyes went wide with wonder as I saw the edible paydirt before me…
It was sausage! Or it may have been beef. Or really dark chicken. Or maybe duck. Actually it could have potentially been a vegetarian tofu mix of some kind. Or styro-foam with soy sauce drenched over it. Or those little pellets you put on frozen yogurt but all chocolate flavored. Or fish eggs. Or something…
The possibilities, it seemed, were endless…”
Posted under Books, Excerpts. | 3 Comments »
June 6th, 2006
“Do you want ketchup with that?” he asked me.
“No, I don’t want ketchup with that,” I told him.
“No ketchup, really?” he shot back.
“Yeah, not so into the ketchup,” I replied.
“But ketchup has lycopene,” he informed me.
“What the hell is lycopene,” I questioned.
“I don’t know,” he explained, “but it’s supposed to be good for you.”
“Yeah, you’re not selling me on the ketchup thing,” I explained.
“Why does everyone have to sell you on something,” he angrily spit. “I mean, I’m not a car salesman or something, I’m your friend sitting across from you here at a fast food restaurant wanting to know very honestly if you want ketchup with that.”
“I wish you’d just die and decompose right here and now,” I spat back.
“That’s a horrible thing to say,” he cried. “Me? Dead? Just for asking you if you wanted ketchup?”
“Life’s tough,” I told him.
Posted under Excerpts, Short Stories. | 14 Comments »
April 19th, 2006
You didn’t think I would just let The Lost Blogs get released and not have a third one ready to go, did you?
That’s why I wanted to take today’s post to give everyone a sneak peek at my third book, How To Get Someone To Drop A Gun, which will be going out to publishers within the next month. It’s like those really popular How-To books, but this one doesn’t tell YOU how to do something, it gives you the skills to get other people to do things for you.
Most specifically, how to get someone who is holding a gun to put it down.
Posted under Books, Crime, Excerpts. | 17 Comments »
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