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July 12th, 2006
I am going to be the hybrid Tony Robbins/Donald Trump of the Blogosphere.
No, that’s not because people hang on my words like a digital textual version of E.F. Hutton or because I can motivate you to buy my personalized face-adorned cologne. It is because I have come up with an idea so simple and so stunning that no one can catch me now. I’m like in a full-sprint of amazing money-making ideas, and this is just #43. Can you imagine what life will be like for me when I reach #44? Can you see my hair flowing in the wind while my feet go left and right and left and right up the hill of competition and emerge at the apex of that hill, a full-fledged winner?
Single people? This one’s for you.
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Posted under Dating, Reasons Why I Will Be A Millionaire, Single Juice, Singles, eHarmony. | 19 Comments »
April 3rd, 2006
It seems there’s a lot of single women out there.
That’s why, as a public service, WFME would like to spend some time giving those lost without love an opportunity to snag a man before bird flu takes us all out. That’s right — today WFME is going to outline the 10 Obscure Ways to Snag a Man, pulling the curtain off a list of things that most men would never vocalize (let alone, write down) for the female species to see. But we don’t care about century-long traditions or hidden agendas…
We just want to see everyone happy.
Posted under Dating. | 30 Comments »
March 22nd, 2006
- “I play a lot of video games, you know, for that whole eye-hand coordination… I mean, video games are a billion dollar industry these days… Did you know the movie industry makes less money each year than the video game industry? Anyway, I play a lot of video games and I just hurt my wrist last night playing Capture the Flag with my buddies online and so, um, it’s really hard to use my left hand to open, um, car doors.”
- “There are two types of women in this world. The ones who want their car door opened and the ones who get insulted by opening a car door for them because they want to be viewed as independent and self-sufficient. Well, I looked at all the options here and figured that I was better off not pissing you off, assuming you’re the kind of woman who wouldn’t want me to open her car door. Now, don’t get me wrong - I thought about the other option, but if you are the type of woman who would want her car door opened and I didn’t do it, I think I’d just generally not get as much wrath as I would in the other situation… So, you see? It all worked out.”
- “The valets get pissed off when you do their job for them. And you don’t want to piss them off because if you do, the next time you let them park your car they’ll steal all your quarters. And without quarters, I can’t do my laundry, and without my laundry I’ll end up having to wear less flattering clothing and then I won’t be presentable and your family won’t like me and this whole relationship will be doomed.”
- “If people see me opening the car door for you they’re going to think this is our first date, and really let’s be honest — that’s the last thing we want people to think.”
- “Chivalry is dead. No, I’m serious. It totally is. The News said so.”
Posted under Dating, Lists of Five, Manners. | 32 Comments »
December 15th, 2005
You’ve seen Indecent Proposal?
That’s the movie where a couple (Demi Moore & Woody Harrelson) go to Vegas and meet a billionaire businessman (Robert Redford) who offers the woman one million dollars to spend a night with him. The couple, who desperately want to build their dream house take the deal, and the night in question rips apart the very fabric of the relationship after the husband finds out that his wife slept with Mr. Moneybags. So very sad and depressing.
But if it was me, and I could throw around a million bucks in return for getting you to do whatever I wanted — here’s the list of things I’d have you do over the course of our night together:
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Posted under Customs, Dating, Film, Money. | 35 Comments »
November 29th, 2005
Let me throw out a “what if” scenario.
Let’s assume some guy was dating some girl. Let’s assume that they were walking down a busy street on a sidewalk. Let’s assume that the guy was walking on the street side while the girl was walking on the side further away from the street. Let’s assume a car came out of nowhere and smashed into both of them, killing them instantly. The fact that the guy was walking on the street side would have added no additional protection in the least.
Yet strangely, there’s a group of people out there who will always insist that it is necessary (if you care about them) to walk on the street side of the sidewalk in an attempt to keep them safe from the ambiguous dangers of the ‘crete. (Concrete, that is.)
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Posted under Concrete, Dating, Manners. | 35 Comments »
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