I Could Be Your Goth, Heavy Metal, Nerdy, Quirky or Jerky Lab Worker On Your New Procedural Network Show

Got a new procedural crime or investigative show hitting the airwaves?

Have a section in said previously aforementioned show where lab workers help the key characters by testing, observing, researching, alluding to, and/or pontificating about complicated liquid, genetic or physical evidence? Need to spice things up on said previously aforementioned procedural crime show by making previously referenced “lab worker” a goth, heavy metal, nerdy, quirky or jerky kind of pop-off-the-page character?

If so, I’m totally, whole-heartedly your man.

The General Los Angeles Population Seems To Be Obsessed With The Missing Polar Bear From ABC’s ‘Lost’

[At the Coffee Bean]

Her: “What I want to know is where the polar bear has gone.”
Him: “It’s a big island. He could be anywhere.”
Her: “Well, it’s a big TROPICAL island. He’d want to stay somewhere cool.”
Him: “There’s a lot of shade on that island. He’ll be okay.”

## ## ##

[At the Comic Book Shop]

Guy #1: “I think the polar bear is also that amorphous black smoke creature as well.”
Guy #2: “What, he’s a shapeshifting polar bear?”
Guy #1: “There’s a shapeshifter on that show Heroes.”
Guy #2: “Exactly why ABC wouldn’t have a shapeshifting polar bear on their show.”
Guy #1: “Dude, don’t you know anything about how competitive the TV landscape is? I’m surprised Gil Grissom on CSI isn’t a shapeshifter by now.”

## ## ##

[At the Hair Salon]

Girl #1: “And he told me there was a polar bear on the show…so I watched it with him.”
Stylist: “Ohh, cute.”
Girl #1: “But there wasn’t a polar bear on the show.”
Sylist: “Oh, no?”
Girl #1: “Well, there was at some point early on. But then I guess the polar bear disappeared or something and no one’s seen the polar bear in awhile, although my boyfriend says there’s no way they could introduce a polar bear and then not have the polar bear show up again later on…so we’re still waiting on the polar bear I guess.”
Stylist: “Ohh, cute.”

CSI’s Gary Dourdan Likes To Drive Fast, Then Stop As If He’s Going To Kick Your Ass

Today’s post is not meant for children without adult supervision.

It will tell the story of C.S.I.‘s Gary Dourdan, who happened to be speeding down my residential street, out in front of my house, in his BMW 7-Series, speed speed speeding along without a care in the world and then how he came face to face with a concerned homeowner (ME) who decided to put a stop to his blatant disregard for the laws of the road.

There may be some cursing involved, too — although I’m not 100% sure yet.