Words For Your Enjoyment: Animated Toe Fungus

Can you smell it?

Friday is here. A combination of buttered popcorn, vodka tonics, fresh air, old three-hole punched paper, burned rubber, licorice, beer, garlic bread, pizza and sushi all wrapped up into one very exciting day. At least, that’s what I smell when I think of Friday. You, as your own distinct living organism, may smell something completely different.

But can you smell today’s “Words For Your Enjoyment?”

Today’s Prognosis on ‘Proved in University Testing’ Graphics

You’ve seen the commercials.

Whether it’s the Ab Lounger or the Cranial Ab Cruncher or the Stomach Somnabulistizer or the Electrode Fat Burner or any other insane stupid piece of equipment that will further make you feel like it’s OK to still not go to the gym — they all make sure you’re aware of one very important piece of technical information.

This product’s ability to work has been proven in University testing.

And when the announcer utters those famous words, the screen always switches to a shot of someone, in a lab coat, sitting in front of a computer, where they gaze at a computer screen usually filled with some kind of graph or sound-wave from an MP3 software program or a pie chart or a bio-rhythmesque kind of graphic. Some kind of silly looking, quick cut glimpse at a not-so-professional statistical image that should, if they are lucky, make you say to yourself:

The “I Loved It” Movie Patron Commercials

You’ve seen the commercials, I know you have.

Where people are just leaving having seen the latest movie and someone off camera is asking them questions. Usually they’re saying things like:

We loved it!
I was sooooo scared, I jumped out of my seat!
The most exciting action sequences ever!
The funniest movie I’ve ever seen!
You have to bring your girlfriend — I know I did!

Did you know that every time you see these commercials, these are not real people? That these are actors the studio pays to say what they want them to say, so they get exactly what they want in the commercials? It’s hilarious — I know actors who have been hired to play “boyfriend” or “frumpy grandmother” or whatever, and then they’re given their lines. Aaah, the wool being pulled over the collective eyes of America.

Surviving on Coffee

I’m not huge on providing links to things all over the net, but when I see something that makes me laugh out loud, I just can’t keep from doing it.

My friend Cathy had a link up today to a Starbucks commercial featuring our very favorite 80’s band Survivor.

Check it out. It’s priceless.

I Have Been Commerically Brainwashed

I have been fully, 199% commercially brainwashed.

I don’t know if you have a Six Flags Amusement Park anywhere near you in the United States, but if you don’t…just know that it’s got rollercoasters and a ton of other rides and it’s just like the amusement park vision you have in your head when you read the words “amusement park.”

That’s all fine and good.

But the retired government scientists who used to use their talents at brainwashing prisoners-of-war and erasing the memories of undercover agents with other government’s secrets locked in their heads have now spent some time creating a television commercial that I cannot stop watching. You should check it out now, before you continue.