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December 21st, 2005
The more I think about it, the more I want to wear an eyepatch.
Before you say anything, get that whole black-pirate styled eyepatch visual out of your head. I’m talking about wearing a fashionable, smart-looking, eye-protecting, mystery-driving, fad starting, alluring, sexy, peripheral-vision reducing, half-in-the-dark causing eye patch on my eye.
I think it would really change my life for the better.
First and foremost, let’s get away from the whole “a rabid animal gnawed out my eyeball and that’s why I’m wearing a black eye patch” scenario. That only happens in storybooks and parts of town where the zoo that tortures their animals by day doesn’t lock the cages at night. Sure, there are people who wear them because they have lazy eyes (to which I say, take a shower, shave, and go “look” for a job) and people who have some awkward vision ailment — but once again I am not talking about these scenarios.
Posted under Clothing, Fashion. | 38 Comments »
December 13th, 2005
The fear began as a child.
As we all very well know, there’s a Catch 22 that emerges when you’re younger and your parents offer to buy you clothing. Sure, you’ll get something free out of the situation and the journey to the mall, but you will have to deal with the whole parental approval scenario. Trying on clothes, taking advice and going through the back and forth convincing factor on a variety of hip fashions that one just must have to not be a social outcast. But there has always been one fear element of such an experience that has transferred to my adult hood.
I do not want you holding up clothing in front of me.
Continuing words »
Posted under Clothing, Fears. | 34 Comments »
October 3rd, 2005
SNL alum Cheri Oteri, apparently, likes to wear a hat.
Of course, why exactly anyone wears a hat is their own business. Some of them like to wear hats because they didn’t want to take a shower. Others wear a hat because they’re going bald. Others believe that wearing a hat makes them look sporty. But yesterday at the Sherman Oaks, CA restaurant Hugo’s — Cheri Oteri was wearing a hat to make sure that no one recognized her.
Oh, Cheri. You can’t get away from me that easily.
Posted under Celebrities, Clothing, SNL. | 21 Comments »
August 4th, 2005
It’s amazing how a little adjustment in your accessories can change who people perceive you to be.
That’s why, for a guy like me who likes to wear hats (not all the time but for the gym and on Sundays when I don’t feel like you know what) the realization that the rotation of how my hat is positioned on my head affects how people treat me and how I, personally, interact with others was a stunning, dramatic realization.
Posted under Assholes, Clothing. | 25 Comments »
November 27th, 2004
“Hate” may be a strong word, but it works perfectly in this situation.
First of all, you have got to stop wearing that top hat of yours. People do not wear top hats anymore unless they are starring as a local English professor or Scotland Yard investigator at your weekend murder mystery dinner party. You are neither. Yet you continue to wear your top hat and say things like, “Good day to you” and “Cheers!” as you tip your hat to passerbys. This is unacceptable and drives me crazy.
Posted under Clothing. | 7 Comments »
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