Bonding With My Identical Cellf

Have you run into your identical cellf?

To even explain what it means, I have to break out an old 90’s term that you may or may not remember. That term, is none other than auto-mate. Did you ever run across your auto-mate in the past? Someone driving the same identical automobile that you were driving? And did you pass by them on a side-street or the freeway, both notice how much you had in common and give each other a friendly smile and a knowing glance?

These days, I keep running into my identical cellf (or the guy who has the same exact cell phone as I do).

Frankenstein, Cell Phone User

Call begin.

“Nggggggttttthhhh. Nggggggggggggggghhhhttttthhh. Ngh? Ngggggggttttthhhhhh. Eh? Mm. Nggggggggtttttttthhh. Uh? Mmm uh. Nggggggth. Ah! Uh. Uhhhhhh. Nggggggth. [Random keypad tones.] Nggggggggtttttttttttth. Mm? Mm. Eccccchhhhhhht. Nggggggggggtttth.”

Call end.

Neil Armstrong, Cell Phone User

Call begin.

“Armstrong here. Yes, I copy. Verifying position… About ten meters just outside of Panera Bread. Roger, checking. Oooo…K. Got it. Soup of the day can now be confirmed as split pea. Roger that, it looks beautiful from here. Confirming presence of turkey pot pie. Getting a closer look. Small little foot movement. Confirmed. I’m standing directly in the shadow of it. Looks like it’s a little difficult to dig through the crust, but doable. T-Minus five minutes, twelve seconds until hunger pains. Keeping my eyes open for you. Armstrong, out.

Call end.

I’m No Shuttle Commander And Neither Are You

Yes, that’s right.

Because even though I’m wearing a Bluetooth cell phone ear-piece head-set cancer-causing electronic lobe-hanger doesn’t mean that my code name is Desert Fox or that I’m constantly in contact with FBI agents who are securing the perimeter. It doesn’t mean that “the eagle has landed” is about to land or may be landing sometime in the near future.

And it definitely doesn’t mean that I’m a shuttle commander — and the same goes for you.

I Am The Ambassador of Sprint

I’ve always thought I would make a great Diplomat.

That’s why when I was recently contacted to become the Official Ambassador of Sprint, I was giddy with excitement. Being selectively chosen to receive a brand-new multi-media phone from Sprint, for no charge, for six months of unlimited usage was a glorious development that made me realize once and for all that my future was definitely in for a huge make-over.

Because I am now the Ambassador of Sprint.