Words For My Enjoyment

Ten Rules for Pretending To Be British

End all your sentences with “at least that’s what they say in the UK.”
Smatter phrases throughout your conversations like: “bloody crazy (or bloody ‘ell)”, “cheerio”, “there’s a queue at the loo”, “right-o”, “god save the Queen”, “good god I think he’s gone mad”, “mind the gap”, “bullocks”, “six of one fish n’ chip is like half a dozen of another fish n’ chip”, “crikey” and “dare I say there’s a turtle in my soup!?”
Stand with one foot at an angle in front of the other, while keeping your left hand perched on your hips, while wearing an eye-patch and drinking a dark thick stout beer.
Talk often about your experience in Parliament and your desires to become a barrister, so you may “dispatch baddies, assist Scotland Yard and restore order and culture to the United Kingdom.”
Insist to everyone around you that you were knighted by the Queen.
Never ever, no matter the circumstance…brush your teeth.
All first dates must include Earl Grey tea.
When opening a door for ladies (of which you should always do), make a click-clicking with your tongue and exclaim, “There you go, girl!”
When drinking a beer of any kind, always extend your pinky finger to illustrate how cultural you really are.
Above all — always denounce the Scots, especially at parties.