An Excerpt From My New Play, “Bringing Sexy Back”

Lights up.

[A man and woman sit opposite each other at a small, quaint cafe — sipping delicate glasses of wine.]

Man: “And then I graduated from Princeton in June. I had a wonderful experience, that’s for sure.”
Woman: “So what are your plans now that you’re out?”
Man: “Oh, I plan on bringing sexy back.”
Woman: “Bringing…sexy what-?”
Man: “Bringing. Sexy. Back.”
Woman: “From where?”
Man: “What do you mean, from where?”
Woman: “You said you’re bringing sexy back. From where?”
Man: “Darling, it’s a metaphor. I’m not technically physically carrying sexy back.”
Woman: “Oh. So, um — what do you mean then, when you say you’re bringing sexy back?”
Man: “How’s the wine?”
Woman: “Don’t change the subject.”
Man: “Fine. What’s your question.”
Woman: “What do you mean by saying you’re bringing sexy back?”
Man: “You know how the 70’s were very sexy?”
Woman: “Were they?”
Man: “Disco. Remember?”
Woman: “Oh, right. Disco. Okay. So you’re bringing disco back?”
Man: “Nooo. You know how disco had that sexy feeling to it?”
Woman: “I guess.”
Man: “Well, can you remember the last time, since the 70’s, that society had that kind of sexy going on?”
Woman: “The 80’s had a lot of sexy in it.”
Man: “The 80’s. Sexy? C’mon now.”
Woman: “I thought the 80’s was sexy.”
Man: “You thought Tom Cruise was sexy.”
Woman: “So?”
Man: “So not sexy.”
Woman: “Fine. So what steps do you need to take to bring sexy back?”
Man: “No steps. You just bring sexy back. It just happens.”
Woman: “Just like THAT?”
Man: “Sexy just sort of brings itself back.”
Woman: “So, technically — you’re not really bringing sexy back. You’re accompanying sexy back since it sort of can come back on its own?”
Man: “I’m sort of like sexy’s chaperone.”
Woman: “And when is sexy coming back, just so I know?”
Man: “Next Thursday. 3pm.”
Woman: “I can’t wait.”
Man: “Yeah. Me neither. Bringing sexy back, baby! Woo hoo!”
Woman: “Woo. Hoo.”

Lights down.

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