Stuffing Is The New Mortar

It hasn’t happened yet, but it will.

Contractors, faced with wanting to build a brick-structure with a substance between the bricks that will both (a) have some “give” during seismic shifts, (b) provide a stable and cohesive bond between fellow bricks, and (c) feed the homeless on cold winter nights — will soon turn to Thanksgiving Day leftover stuffing as their mortar of choice.

The FDA announced yesterday that “at the end of this year’s Thanksgiving Day holiday, Americans will dispose of over 16.5 million tons of stuffing that no one was able to stomach — and which should be reconstituted and used to help builders countrywide in their brick structures and urban mini-malls…”