The Soap Dispenser Argument

Let me pose a very important hypothetical question to you.

Let’s say you were stranded on a desert island. Then two weeks later another guy also got stranded on the desert island with you. And there was only one coconut on one tree. And you’d already spent a few days trying to get down the coconut, and this new guy came along and he started trying to get the coconut too. Don’t you think that you, being the first coconut pursuer should get the coconut and the second guy who was late to the game should wait or go find his own coconut somewhere else?

If you agree, then the soap dispenser argument is right up your alley.

The Reason For No Conversation In Public Bathrooms (Or, Complicated Multiplication)

You think you know why people don’t talk to each other in public bathrooms, don’t you?

You think it’s because people feel uncomfortable when they walk into a public bathroom because there are prying eyes. You think it’s because people just would rather do their business and not try to have a lively conversation while doing it. You think it’s because people in stalls would just rather feel like they were alone, and because people at urinals would rather face the wall instead of interacting with friends, family or strangers.

But that’s not the reason for a lack of conversation in public bathrooms.

If My Bathroom Actually Had A Live Studio Audience

There’s never enough places to sit in a bathroom.

Sure, there’s one place to sit but never places for a studio audience to sit — which would make having my bathroom and the inclusion of a live studio audience inside of it, an awfully tricky concept. And while I know a lot of guys who can carve chairs out of old tree trunks and a lot of scrapbookers who would be happy to cover them in laminated doilies — the seating thing would be a huge issue.

That is…if my bathroom actually had a live studio audience.

Lotion, Shampoo, Hair-Gel or Food?

Lotion, shampoo, hair-gel or food?

That is the question that plagues me on a daily basis as I enter my bathroom and get myself ready for the world. That is the question that I am obsessed with asking when I smell that which makes my stomach rumble. That is the question that fills my head as I smell my beloved coconut and my hunger takes hold.

Yet what I should be asking myself first, before jumping off the ingestion-bandwagon is… Is what I’m smelling lotion or shampoo or hair-gel or food?

The Cult of Wipe

It is a cult that crosses boundaries. It is a cult that is hardly ever spoken of. It is a cult that exists in all countries, in all times and in all languages.

And it is a cult that every human being belongs to.

It is the Cult of Wipe and it concerns the way in which each human being approaches the final few minutes of every bathroom moment, yet it is something that few discuss, that many pretend never exists and that most prefer to just leave alone.

Yet it fascinates WFME to no end.