“What’s your dog’s name?”
It’s a question that joins a slew of other questions that really, once you’ve gotten the answer, don’t have any true sensible follow-ups. It joins fellow non-followup’d answers to questions like “How old is your baby?”, “You’ve got allergies today too, huh?” and “Do you smell that?”
Yet today, I’d like to provide you with a slew of great follow-up responses to answers that have no true follow-ups. I’d like to provide you the tools for turning a quiet moment following a not-so-quiet response to your question, and give you the mad skillz to turn things around. And it’s bound to make your life in a world of non-followup’d answers to questions…much much easier.
Dairy can kiss my ass.
So can mushrooms, lobster, scallops, barley, egg yolks, grapes, cattle and cockroaches.
For those who found themselves a loyal reader of WFME as the “Allergy Eradication of 2004” began, I did my best to keep everyone updated on all the fun food items I was supposedly allergic to. Mind you, I never had my head blow up to the size of a mylar balloon, nor did I break out in hives or rashes or bumps. I was, as far as the doctor’s told me:
“Allergic to foods that have a subtle if not invisible effect on your body’s inner-workings which could or could not cause subtle yet invisible effects on your energy level and ability to perform backflips in a gymnastic competition.”
Sometimes, just sometimes — you see a sign that really hits home.
First, stop thinking what you’re thinking.
Secondly, there’s this feature via my blog service that allows me to see where people are coming from when they hit my site. And today I came across a very surprising little connection.
Someone apparently was searching Google in the Netherlands and put in the search string “cow’s rectum” and was handily provided a link to my site. Now, yes — there is one reference to that phrase, in a joking manner… But I just find it hilarious that some guy in the Netherlands, trying to satisfy his lunchtime cow rectum addictions ended up searching for and visiting my blog as a result.
I feel bad. He was probably really disappointed.
In an attempt to offer something on this blog that no one, anywhere else has ever offered (which makes them intelligent and me, just a heartless, unfeeling cad)… I am about to offer up to you, my Official Allergy Update for Saturday, February 14th 2004. That’s right. As my Valentine’s Day present to you — I am going to let you into the deepest, darkest part of myself… That part?
My allergic under the skin parts of my body that react to stuff I’m not supposed to be in contact with because of chemical interactions and stuff and so that’s bad, oh so bad. (Ed. Note: This phrase will be streamlined in future references.)