Fortune Cookie Messages Inspired By 80’s Film Director John Hughes

There is a true and sincere friendship between you and your friends, as long as your friends are exactly like you and you’re not like a geek trying to become friends with the school jock.

A thrilling time involving being home alone is in your immediate future.

Plan for many pleasures ahead on planes, trains and automobiles.

Your everlasting patience will be rewarded sooner or later with Jake Ryan.

Something you lost, like your underwear, will soon turn up.

When you feel as though all hope is lost, simply look to Spandau Ballet.

You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music, so maybe it’s time to pay attention to your female friend the drummer, who has had a crush on you for um, like forever.

Pray for what you want, but use your high-tech computer for the things you need. Like a dream woman who will do whatever you want, whenever you want. Even gymnastics.

Remember, if Andrew gets up we’ll all get up and it’ll be anarchy.

Good things are being said about you, as long as your name is Ferris Bueller.

A Select Scene From Knight Rider, Starring Socrates

EXT. DUSTY ROAD – DAY

The trademark KITT car speeds past obstacles, giving chase to an unmarked four door sedan.

INT. KITT CAR – CONTINUOUS

KITT: “These criminals aren’t going to get away, Socrates.”

SOCRATES: “Hmm. Criminals.”

KITT: “What is it, Socrates?”

SOCRATES: “What IS crime, really? Aren’t criminals simply called criminals since they do not go along with the ideological status quo?”

EXT. DUSTY ROAD – DAY

KITT swerves to continue the chase, driving up the back of a parked trailer truck, CRASHING through a palate of empty boxes, then comes crashing back down to Earth — still close behind the fishtailing sedan.

INT. KITT CAR – CONTINUOUS

KITT: “No time for philosophical questions, Socky. Shall I use my advanced anchor technology to stop these baddies in their tracks!?”

SOCRATES: “Philosophy knows nothing of time, Kitt my friend.”

KITT: “I understand. But- Hold on for evasive action!”

EXT. DUSTY ROAD – DAY

KITT jumps over a ravine, CRASHING down to the ground, doing a full-on 360 degree spin and then regains traction…speeding after the sedan.

INT. KITT CAR – CONTINUOUS

SOCRATES: “And yet…isn’t action merely the state of rebelling against inaction?”

The car SCREECHES to a halt.

KITT: “Out.”

SOCRATES: “I’m sorry?”

KITT: “Out of the car.”

The door opens, automatically. Socrates looks at the car and the open door with sadness.

SOCRATES: “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather talk this through?”

KITT: “No, Socky. No, I wouldn’t.”

Picking Apart The Concept Of Pouring Some Sugar On Me

Def Leppard.

Classic 80’s rock band. Awesome stadium performers. Authors of some of the most incomprehensible song concepts ever. Specifically, the one about pouring some sugar on another person in the name of love.

Which sort of defeats the purpose of trying to find a unique way to tell the person you love that you really love them that much since you’re not giving them flowers or anything, but instead slathering them with a mass commodity condiment. Because pouring granules of sugar on them…?

Yeah, I think we’ll be picking apart the concept of pouring some sugar on me.

WFME On: Not Needing Heroes

Today marks a very special day here at WFME.

For while we normally use Monday’s to get back into the week, to wash our underwear and to finally finish off those antibiotics we’ve been meaning to finish up over the weekend — today we’ll be introducing a brand-new feature instead that we like to call WFME On:. Just what WFME will be chiming in on is anyone’s guess, and it’s bound to bring people together, worldwide, in a discussion of like-minded topics.

Today, WFME On: is all about not needing heroes.

Words After ‘The Breakfast Club’

I’m one of those guys who likes to imagine the after.

For those not familiar with the after — it’s those moments from pop culture gems (like John Hughes’ The Breakfast Club) that we never actually got to see but like to imagine how they went. You know, the day after Ferris Bueller took his day off. The arguments that Maverick and his hot flight instructor Charlie (Kelly McGillis) had when Maverick left the toilet seat up…

And the night after The Breakfast Club, when Principal Richard Vernon (Paul Gleason) went home to talk about just what went on that day with his wife.