Archives
Since August 2003, Words For My Enjoyment has amassed over 1000+ entries with over eight thousand comments.
Feel free to browse the archives by either using the search box above or wading through the posts at your own risk.
August 2008 July 2008- 30: Face It, Cats Don’t Like You
- 29: Kick-Ass Words About Our Five Year Anniversary
- 24: Latest Internet Rumors About Barack Obama (That May Make Me Question Voting For Him)
- 06: It’s Time To Retire The Oh My Godder
- 22: The Comedy Schoolings of Mike Myers
- 10: Steve Jobs Is Skinny (And Other Headlines For Upcoming Wall Street Journal Articles)
- 07: Classic Movie Words
- 05: Words About Change
- 26: Reality TV Show Idea #45: Bathroom Splashers!
- 24: Today’s Ambiguous Conversation With Snoopy Drugstore Cashier Lady
- 22: Indiana Jones and the Jungle of the Swinging Shias
- 22: Consumer Joe Lives On
- 18: The Seinfeld Babysitting Question
- 12: Today’s Fond Memory of The Hills’ Spencer Pratt
- 10: It’s Time To Boycott Paper
- 07: I Wish I Had A Friend With A Prosthetic Leg
- 06: Today’s Speed Racer Review Using Only Car Sounds (And One Monkey)
- 06: Twitter This
- 05: Bonding With My Identical Cellf
- 31: Today’s E-Mail Exchange Between Me and Sarah Jessica Parker
- 31: WFME’s FAQ in Progress
- 29: Words About The Little Mermaid
- 27: The Auto-Eater Driver’s Test
- 04: Great Follow-Up Responses To Answers That Have No True Follow-Ups
- 02: Spoiling Lost
- 27: Today’s Blatant Admission #207
- 24: WFME’s Advice to High-Schoolers: Pole Vaulting Edition
- 23: Words About The Strike
- 21: Today’s Conspiracy About Almonds
- 15: I Have A Concern About Getting Through To The Next Level on American Idol
- 10: Persistence, Podcast, Persistence
- 18: How DirecTV Screws Its HD Customers
- 17: The Bread Bowl Battle
- 04: My Secret Ethnicity
- 03: WFME’s Gorilla/Human Factor: White Head Edition
- 03: My Extremely Touching Conversation With The Guy Selling Oranges On My Neighborhood Highway Onramp
- 14: Today’s Thoughts on Fire Retarded Products
- 05: Catching Another India-Based Technical Assistance Representative In A Lie
- 02: A Brief Post Outlining My Most Recent Problems With Today’s TV Soundtrack Hipness
- 18: The Secret of Life Cereal
- 13: Facebook Applications Are The New Pet Rock
- 13: The Darjeeling Is Limited
- 08: A Brief List of the Things That Hidden-Camera Reality TV Show Production Staff Members Are Tired Of Doing
- 06: Unresolved Arguments, Vol. 2
- 05: Ten Potential Settings For My New Hilarious (Forthcoming) Joke
- 28: The Karaoke Master Has Finally Been Taken Down A Notch
- 27: Letters to eBay, Letters to You
- 22: Giving Away The Letters
- 22: It’s Time To Pick The Condiments You Want On Your Subway Sandwich
- 18: There Are Certain Surgeries I’d Like To Perform With Zero Medical Training Whatsoever
- 16: What Is It With All The Thank Yous?
- 14: Words In Print
- 11: I Feel Bad For Masseuse Daters
- 08: I Am The Best Friend A Painter Could Ever Have
- 03: Today’s Brief Question About Life Maybe Possibly Being A Highway And My Thoughts On Not Wanting To Be Riding It All Night Long
- 02: The Post In Which I Congratulate Nicole Richie on Her Impending Babyness
- 01: I Continue To Question Whether Or Not There Are Air Bags In My Car
- 30: Leaving is the New Going
- 29: My 3 Year Old Nephew’s Advice on a Variety of Work Issues
- 27: WFME Will Be Knighted
- 26: Today Is The Day I Capitalize On The Success of Hairspray With Other Ideas for Movie Musicals Based on Grooming Products
- 25: If I Was Living In A Remote Mountain Cabin Writing The Next Great American Novel And You Had Been Lost In The Mountains Having Not Eaten For Twenty Days, I Probably Wouldn’t Give You Any Food
- 24: Wearing My First Eye Patch
- 23: An Excerpt From My One Man Play, ‘I’ve Got a Splinter’
- 22: The Church of TiVo’s Ten Commandments
- 21: One Isn’t Necessarily The Loneliest Number That You’ll Ever Do
- 20: Running My Own Ice Cream Mob
- 20: Look At It As A Vacation From Your Vacation
- 13: Redesign 3.0
- 13: The Fast Food Tides Are Changing
- 12: An Excerpt From My New Play, “The Falcon and the Snowman”
- 11: Today’s Advice To An Incarcerated Paris Hilton
- 09: A List of My Latest Athletic Accomplishments To Date*
- 07: Today’s Prognosis on Moments of Silence
- 06: Found: Ed Norton’s List of Dating Do’s & Don’ts
- 06: I Could Be Your Kiddie Pool Lifeguard
- 05: Unconfirmed Spoilers About The Sopranos Series Finale
- 04: Cheddar or Swiss
- 03: Replacing ‘Hottie’
- 02: Soundtrack, Movie, Film Short & Blog
- 01: A List of Five Imaginary Friends I Wish I Had As A Kid
- 31: This Year’s Newly Picked Up TV Pilots Have Taught Me Alot About Life
- 30: Think Of It As A Vacation For Your Fingers
- 30: The Post In Which I Discuss Seeing Cate Blanchett And Our Psychic Conversation
- 29: Introducing the Pauly-ku
- 28: Memorial Day MP3
- 27: The Final Paragraph From My Other Recently Completed Novel “Mars Outpost Alpha”
- 26: The Homeless Are Getting Exponentially Smarter (Or, My Need To Be Loved By Everyone Is Making Me Stupider)
- 24: I Want A Friend Who Wears An Eyepatch (But Isn’t A Pirate)
- 23: WFME’s You Decide: Receding Hairline Midget or Left-Leg Missing Cruise Shuffleboard Coach
- 22: Today’s Hypothetical Question
- 21: More Potential TV Game Show Concepts For Simpletons
- 20: I Could Be Your Goth, Heavy Metal, Nerdy, Quirky or Jerky Lab Worker On Your New Procedural Network Show
- 19: I Have Some Huge Problems With Ghost Whispering
- 18: Who Invented The Game Thumb War
- 17: Seth Green’s Salary
- 16: A Giant Music Explosion
- 16: Backed Into Parked Car, Who’s At Fault?
- 15: We Interrupt This Week’s Feature Blog-Presentation For A Seriously Opinionated Commentary On This Country’s Inability To Embrace Free Speech
- 15: Words For Arrow
- 14: The Brady Bunch Boardroom Briefcase
- 13: Week ‘o Searches!
- 13: Other Words That Can Be Made Out Of The Letters That Form ‘Mother’
- 12: How To Write An “Extreme” Will
- 11: I Am Not Taking The Stairwell
- 10: WFME’s 10’s on the 10th: Neighborhood Watch Edition
- 09: I Am Afraid of Non-Brand Name Sorbets
- 08: This Post Was Meant For Yesterday
- 07: Ten Words That Don’t Sound Like Words After You Say Them 30 Times
- 06: The Opening Page To The Book I’m Currently Writing Entitled ‘The Princess Bride 2′
- 05: I’ve Decided I Really Don’t Like Good n’ Plenty
- 03: Facts About Ireland*
- 03: What People Are Saying About Spiderman 3
- 02: The Arrow Hurler Race Card
- 01: Why Littering Is OK
- 30: Monday’s Exciting List of Verbal Argument Finishing Moves After The Other Party Storms Out The Door (Kitchen Edition)
- 29: Today’s Post In Which I Blatantly Attack The Concept of Stupid Obstacle Courses
- 28: Revising The Male Urinal Coefficient
- 27: I Am The Master Tracer
- 25: I’m Afraid These Symptoms Don’t Seem To Add Up To Anything
- 25: Today’s Prognosis on Fist Shaking
- 24: An Excerpt From My New Period Play, “Shot Through The Heart in The Year 1878″
- 23: It’s Time To Help Alec Baldwin Out
- 21: Ten Rules for Eating At That Chinese Food Donut Hybrid Restaurant
- 20: Examining The Seat-A-Wayers
- 19: Over-Analyzing The Frozen Yogurt Theme Song
- 18: Celebrities Are Just Like You and Me, Vol. 2
- 17: When Change Askers Are Not So Good At Improv
- 16: Today I Would Like To Declare My Allegiance To FIJI Bottled Water
- 15: Maureen McCormick vs. Kristy McNichol
- 14: WFME’s Fad Watch ‘07
- 13: Ba-Do-Ba-Do, Podcast, Ba-Do-Ba-Do
- 13: Homeland Security Has Finally Ruined My Movie Going Experience
- 12: The General Los Angeles Population Seems To Be Obsessed With The Missing Polar Bear From ABC’s ‘Lost’
- 11: The BFF Debacle
- 10: On This Day In My Personal History
- 09: I’m Not Quite Sure What My Accountant Is Trying To Say
- 08: WFME’s Guide to Shoplifting Cadbury Creme Eggs
- 07: Four Brief Scenes Involving Conversations That Are Somehow Related To Discovery Channel’s Runaway Crab-Fishing Documentary Hit, ‘Deadliest Catch’
- 06: Where Have All The Clever Literate Sayings Gone?
- 04: Why The Film ‘The Sound of Music’ Is Completely Unrealistic
- 03: Why Dancing With The Stars Is Unfair If You’ve Got Two Good Legs
- 02: Today’s Imaginary Conversation With Katie Holmes’ Scientology Handler
- 01: I’m Getting Zero Shampoo Bowl Committment
- 31: Words Between The Button Pushers
- 30: Don’t Do The Fondue
- 29: Egg Story, Thursday Edition
- 28: WFME’s Right Name Wrong E-Mail
- 27: I Have This Urge To Get Into An Industrial Sized Clothes Dryer And Have Someone Turn It On
- 26: This Week’s Neighborhood Feud (Or, Desperate Stopsigns)
- 25: Fortune Cookie Messages Inspired By 80’s Film Director John Hughes
- 24: Today’s Brief Question About Digging Up Corpses
- 23: I Am Running Away From ‘The Hills’
- 22: Today’s Prognosis on Rude Doctor-In-The-House Restaurant Yellers
- 21: Making Obituaries Fun
- 20: Really Truly Ironic Things
- 19: Today’s Overrated Element: Air
- 18: The Final Paragraph From My Recently Completed Novel “Ben Bovak, Street Cleaner”
- 17: A Select Scene From Knight Rider, Starring Socrates
- 16: Cutting Out Letters From Magazines For Ransom Notes Is So 1985
- 15: Podcast-a-GoGo
- 14: One Million Served!
- 14: Imaginary Dwarf Restaurant Pal (And 2 Other Overheard Conversations)
- 13: I’m Officially Done With Bricks
- 12: Wrong Number, Right Language
- 12: If I Could Perform Complicated Surgeries With A Toothpick
- 10: Approaching A Million
- 09: Words For Your Enjoyment: Kim Wilde and Hanging On
- 08: There Are Medical Reasons For Why I Can’t Empty The Dishwasher
- 07: An Open Letter To You, PDF Converter
- 06: The Sarah Michelle Gellar Smoking Debate Can Finally Be Resolved
- 05: Dancing With The Ailments
- 04: I Could Be Your Surgery Waker-Upper Trainer
- 03: Digg My Words
- 03: The 5 Calorie Gum Question
- 02: I Think I Have More Pores Than Most Normal Folks
- 01: Celebrities Are Talking About WFME
- 28: Today’s Brief Question About Why People Don’t Think I Can Pull Off The ‘Bat Thing’
- 27: Picking Apart The Concept Of Pouring Some Sugar On Me
- 26: An Insider’s Look At NBC’s Heroes (Major Spoilers Ahead)
- 25: An Excerpt From My New Play, “Bringing Sexy Back”
- 24: If I Was A Funny Wonder Twin
- 23: Ham, Podcast, Ham
- 22: My Spanish Name Is Definitely Not Pablocito
- 21: WFME’s You Decide: 2 Tacos for $.99 or 99 Tacos for $.02?
- 20: The Soap Dispenser Argument
- 19: To Do: On President’s Day
- 18: WFME Is Now Officially Recognized As A Non-Profit For-Profit Philanthropical Charity Organization
- 17: A Hint Of Things To Come
- 15: The American Idol Rejection Construction Kit (Psyche! Edition)
- 14: Excerpts From Dick Cheney’s Children’s Bedtime Stories (Publishing Date, Fall ‘07)
- 13: It’s Time To Go Back To The Drawing Board When It Comes To My Latest Batch of Clever Answering Machine Messages
- 12: The Adultoids
- 11: Celebrities Are Just Like You and Me
- 10: Bette Midler & Me
- 09: Words For Your Enjoyment: Calling Out Your Nemesai
- 08: I Am The King Of Asking For A Water Glass Then Sneaking Free Soda
- 07: I Am Writing This Post From Inside A Locked Chest Inside The Basement of Some Guy I Just Met At My Local Best Buy
- 06: I Am Afraid That My Waitress Doesn’t Find Me Funny Enough To Tell Her Friends About Me
- 05: WFME’s Burning Question: How Much Hair Is Too Much Hair?
- 03: William Shakespeare, Text Messenger
- 02: If I Could Transplant Dead Elvis’ Head Onto My Body And Still Be A Contributing Member of Society
- 01: Transcription Thursday: The “Diet” Shopping List
- 31: Today’s Ironic Vanna White Story About No Make-Up and Sushi
- 30: A Few Brief Thoughts on Why I Would Never Want To Be a Parachute Packer
- 29: Ten Classic TV Shows, Reimagined For Today’s Discerning Audiences
- 28: Hear Your Words
- 27: I Am Afraid That Everything Around Me Is Bombarding Me With Radioactive Fallout
- 26: Words For Your Enjoyment: Excite-o-Lifes
- 25: An Excerpt From My New Play, “Are You OK? I Think So.”
- 25: Today’s Prognosis on Chin-Implant Force-Feelers
- 25: Frankenstein, Cell Phone User
- 24: Today We Will Retire Yet Another Fruit That Is So Obviously Only Enjoyed By Old People
- 23: 10 Replacements for LOL, Seeing As Though We’re All Just A Little Bit Tired of Being on the LOL-Bandwagon
- 22: I Have Invented a Fantasy Football Watchers League
- 21: If The Sun Was Called “Poppy Seed”
- 20: Jessica Simpson Walked Past Me
- 19: I Could Be Your Cream Cheese Concierge
- 18: Neil Armstrong, Cell Phone User
- 17: An Open Letter To You, Bottle-Opener Keychain Guy
- 16: I Am The King of Dining and Ditching
- 15: I Am Still Waiting For A Response From The Owners of My Local Italian Restaurant
- 14: Ten Things I Said I’d Eat For $10,000, That Secretly I Wouldn’t When It Came Down To It
- 12: The Post In Which I Show How I Take What I Learned From My Previous Conversation With The Homeless And Completely Mess It Up A Second Time
- 11: Effective Immediately I Will Be Crying To Make My Own Life Easier
- 10: Today’s Post Will Be Presented In The Form of a Completed Mad Lib Thanks To All of You Who Submitted Nouns, Adjectives and Verbs
- 09: Today’s Blatant Admissions, Pt 2
- 08: I Have Come Up With An Equation That Will Solve All Your Relationship Problems
- 07: WFME’s New Year Fear: Movie Theater Headrest Lice
- 06: Today’s Prognosis on Organ Giver-Outers
- 05: Today Someone Has Paid Me To Talk About Printer Ink Cartridges
- 04: I Could Be Deaf, Dumb and Blind But Still Play A Mean Pinball
- 03: TomKat Is Just About Over
- 02: Everyone’s Happy New Year Is Ruining This Country’s Level of Productivity
- 01: Today’s Brief Question About Why It Will Take Me Six Months To Realize It’s 2007
- 31: The Best of Words
- 30: An Open Letter To You, Orange Citrus Finger Smeller
- 29: I Am Not Afraid of Getting Shot
- 28: No Matter What I Do, I Can’t Dream About Whitney Houston
- 27: I’m At The Wrong Drive-Thru But No One Seems To Care
- 26: I Can Pretend My Ship Just Got Hit By A Missle
- 25: Merry Christmas & A Happy New Fear
- 24: A Few Christmas Thoughts From WFME
- 23: Coloring Words
- 22: An Excerpt From My New Play, “Sushi Chef”
- 21: I Don’t Know About You, But I Could Use A Nice Cold Glass of Water
- 20: WFME’s You Decide: Give a Man a Fish or Teach a Man to Fish?
- 19: WFME’s List of Regards
- 18: Today’s Prognosis on Your Unwashed Jeans
- 09: A Letter From The Management
- 08: Words For Your Enjoyment: No Topic Post
- 07: I Am Afraid I’ve Got A Low Grade E-Coli Infection
- 06: Janie & Jack Hates Babystyle
- 05: The Office’s Jenna Fischer Eats Out At Restaurants While Being Interviewed For Fitness & Health Magazines…Just Like You!
- 03: Today’s Post Will Contain All The Captions I’ve Ever Written For Those ‘Submit Your Caption’ Contest Thingies
- 02: This Week’s Amazing Events (And Who Will Play Them In The Movie Version)
- 01: Words For Your Enjoyment: One Dollar
- 30: Today’s Rebellious Thoughts on Lap Napkining
- 29: An Excerpt From My New Play, “Two Dimes And A Nickel For A Quarter”
- 28: Today’s Imaginary Conversation With Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
- 27: WFME On: Not Needing Heroes
- 26: I’m Thinking of a Number Between One and One-Hundred
- 25: The Procedural Cop Shows of My Dreams Have Stupid Characters
- 24: Amazing Deals Today at WFME!
- 23: An Open Letter To Everyone At My Thanksgiving Dinner
- 22: Kids Say The Darndest Things
- 21: Redesigning The Fake Plastic Grape
- 20: It Seems Cylons Aren’t Perfect (And Neither Is Lucy Lawless’ Fingernail)
- 20: Prison Break: The Drinking Game
- 19: Today’s Prognosis on Finger Scratching Hand Shakers
- 18: WFME Has Been Banned
- 17: Words For Your Enjoyment: Chime Living
- 16: My Super Secret Alter Egos
- 15: Three Brief Conversations We Might Have If I Was Jaded And Lived In A Sealed Cardboard Box…And You Didn’t
- 14: I Could Cryogenically Freeze You If You Wanted Me To
- 13: Reporting Words
- 12: Today’s Prognosis on Amateur Hair Cutters
- 11: Today’s Brief Question About Living On Pluto
- 10: Apparently Your Glove Compartment Is Not Yours
- 09: If I Named My Toe ‘Nadine’ These Would Be Some of The Greatest Phrases I Could Possibly Say
- 08: Four Hour, Podcast, Four Hour
- 07: Five New Ingenious Ways To Make Voting The Most Exciting Experience Ever
- 06: Kasey (Age 4) Hates Me
- 05: WFME’s You Decide: Taco Bell Dining or Taco Bell Phone-Call
- 04: An Excerpt From My New Play, “A Serving of Cereal”
- 03: Words For Your Enjoyment: Reader Reunion
- 02: Homeless Folks Just Want Love, Too
- 01: I Could Be Your Extreme Scrapbooker
- 31: An Excerpt From My Graduate School Thesis, “There’s No Such Thing As A Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”
- 30: The Squirrels Have Declared War Against Me
- 29: I Am Going To Be The Coolest Halloween Candy Giver Ever
- 28: I’m Done Opening Doors
- 27: Words For Your Enjoyment: [Blank Space Here]
- 26: My New Billion Dollar Idea
- 25: If Multiple Personality Disorder Is A Superpower Then Los Angeles Is Filled With Heroes
- 24: Amanda Foreman Wants To Be Called Mandy Instead
- 23: WFME’s Nobody Is Listening, Part Threux
- 22: Adult Diapers For The Rest Of Us
- 21: Tums Are The New Flintstones Chewable Vitamins
- 20: Today I Will Give Away A Lock Of My Hair
- 19: And Now I’d Like To Take A Moment To Answer A Handful Of Questions Currently Being Submitted Through The Website For My Book ‘The Lost Blogs’
- 18: Writing Your Own Choose Your Own Adventure Book Is Actually Pretty Tough
- 17: There’s No Way To Determine Between Blood Diamonds and Regular Diamonds
- 16: The Cold v. Heat Debate Finally Resolves Itself
- 15: If I Had Gills
- 14: Today’s Brief Question About Believing You, Then Me
- 13: Words For Your Enjoyment: The Populars
- 12: A List Of My Most Recent Amazing World Records That Guinness Book Should Be Aware Of
- 11: Emptied-Out Skulls Is The New Impalement
- 10: I Could Have Invented The Zipper
- 09: Today’s In-Depth Look At The Eleven Switch Factor
- 08: I Have My Most Meaningful Conversations While Buying Gum In A Gas Station Mini-Mart
- 07: I Am Overcompensating For A Lack of Knowledge
- 06: Words For Your Enjoyment: Baby Names
- 05: If I Could Play Hide n’ Go Seek With Lionel Richie
- 04: Introducing The New Ten Commandments
- 03: The Debate Rages On
- 02: It’s Time For Me To Apologize For This Compilation
- 01: Why October 1st Isn’t Such A Great Date
- 30: Five Transcribed Notes As Left By The Jaded Tooth Fairy
- 29: Words For Your Enjoyment: Dinner Parties
- 28: I Am Afraid My Face Isn’t Symmetrical
- 27: An Early Scene From My Untitled, Not Really Thought Out, New Screenplay
- 26: If I Was Your Sister’s Best Friend’s Brother’s Cousin’s Cell-Mate’s Overly-Enthusiastic And Partially Egotistical Tennis Instructor
- 25: WFME’s You Decide: Walking Around With A Ziploc Bag Filled With Water or A Severed Left Arm
- 24: Lead Poisoning Is A Total Fallacy
- 23: The Post Where I Introduce My Hypothesis That People In Society Are Extremely Bored, Thus The Creation of a New Game Called High-Stakes Bingo
- 22: The Reason For No Conversation In Public Bathrooms (Or, Complicated Multiplication)
- 21: Wentworth Miller Can Break Out of Prison, But Not A Dead-End Job
- 20: WFME’s Bad Job Wednesday: Highway Line-Painter
- 19: Words After ‘The Breakfast Club’
- 18: I Am The King of Making Simple Instructions Seem Complicated
- 17: These Are A Few Of My Favorite Letters
- 16: I Want To Be Asked By Underage Kids To Buy Them Alcohol
- 15: My Hair Stylist Says My Sideburn Has A Bald Spot
- 14: Nobody Wants Any Free Cheesecake
- 13: Hundred Grand, Podcast, Hundred Grand
- 12: I Have Come Up With A Great Alternative To Giving Up Blogging
- 11: Ten Mistyped English Subtitles I’d Like To See In American Films Translated For International Audiences
- 10: The WFME Report
- 09: If We Switched Up ‘Pretty Woman’ By Replacing Julia Roberts With A CGI-Animated Penguin
- 08: Words For Your Enjoyment: More Lost Words
- 07: The Pillsbury Dough Boy Speaks Out On Poor Body Image
- 06: Santa Claus Is Not Real (And Neither Is The Tooth Fairy)
- 05: Picking Apart The Whole Sunglasses At Night Phenom
- 04: Previous Labors, Rewrapped!
- 03: I’d Like To Take The Opportunity To Criticize Your Choice To Rob A Bank While Invisible
- 02: Re-Stating The Rules of ‘The Wave’
- 01: Words For Her Enjoyment: Janet Returns
- 31: If You Were On Fire And All I Had Was A Really Expensive Coat
- 30: This Entire Blog Is A Joke
- 29: Ten Movies Whose Plotlines Would Change By Simply Adding The Word ‘Cheese’ To Their Titles
- 28: An Emmy Story (Or, Paula Abdul’s Assistant Needs Deodorant)
- 27: Automobile SOS Buttons Are The New Crank Call
- 26: Rejected Alternate Taglines From The ‘What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas’ Tourism Ad Campaign
- 25: Words For Your Enjoyment: The Ambassador’s Club
- 24: I’m Here For You, Fellow Blackberriers
- 23: WFME’s Male-Centric You Decide: A Painless Nail In The Head or A Weekly Pedicure?
- 22: A Brief Excerpt From My New Play, ‘Green Tea Is Good For You’
- 21: WFME Helps Out The Ladies
- 20: Top Ten New Career Choices As Inspired By Misspelled Spam E-Mail Subject Lines
- 19: An Open Letter To ‘Elbow Sandpaper Guy’
- 18: Today’s Stunning Supermarket Admission #329
- 17: Since I Hate Attention Today’s Post Will Not Be About My Birthday
- 16: Magazine Words on TV
- 16: Today’s Brief Question About Why You Keep A Cigarette Behind Your Ear
- 15: I Want To Do Ludicrous Things That You May Actually Also Want To Do As Well
- 14: Roseanna Arquette Won’t Buy Her Kids A Dog (Sort Of)
- 13: Just Call Me The Freckle Lancer
- 12: Today’s Wrong Number Transcript
- 11: Janet Is Evicted (The Q&A Session)
- 10: Today We Will Vote Out One Of Yesterday’s Commenters
- 09: Lucky Charms, Without the Lucky (Or, I Can Create Better Cereals Than You Guys)
- 08: Today’s Prognosis on Doorbell Ditch
- 07: It Sort Of Sucks That Because Of This Post My Other Post About The Action Figure Based On Me Has Scrolled Off The Main Page
- 06: WFME Makes Over The Tooth Fairy
- 05: Ten Rules for Pretending To Be British
- 04: Words For Your Enjoyment: Animated Toe Fungus
- 03: Today’s Imaginary Conversation With The Rolled Up Pashmina Currently Pretending To Be Tom Cruise’s Baby Suri
- 02: The Action Figure Based on Me
- 01: If I Was Trapped In A Collapsed Cave With A Miner Who Wore A Ski-Mask All The Time
- 31: Mel Gibson: The Cover-Up Continues
- 30: A Short Excerpt From My New Book, “Bao!”
- 29: I Am Blacker Than Jessica Stover
- 28: AMEX, Podcast, AMEX
- 28: Words For Your Enjoyment: Lost Words
- 27: Today WFME Will Be Banning Car Ashtrays
- 26: Nostradamus Girl Costs Me Cash
- 25: Taxidermy Is The New Accounting
- 24: I Sound Just Like Chris Martin
- 23: And Then There Were 25
- 22: Today I Will Challenge Country Singer Paul Davidson To A Duel
- 21: Words For Your Enjoyment: Non-Q&A
- 20: The Boo Factor
- 19: Today I Will Challenge USA Today Writer Paul Davidson To A Duel
- 18: That Twitching Underneath My Skin Can’t Be Normal
- 17: I Think My Checker Is Up To Something
- 16: No Blog Post Today
- 15: Stupid People Love Accidents
- 13: If I Was Only A Confetti Nose Sneezer
- 12: Words on DVD
- 12: Reason #43 Why I Will Be A Millionaire
- 11: A Brief Excerpt of Dialogue From The Climax Sequence In A Film I’m Currently Writing, Tentatively Called ‘I Think My Finger Is Stuck In This Coke Bottle’
- 10: If I Was An Evil High School Guidance Counselor
- 09: This Blog Is Better Than Your Psychologist
- 08: Today’s Overheard Conversation Including A Man, An Extremely Warped and Melted CD Jewel Case and a Tower Records Employee
- 07: Words For Your Enjoyment: White Lies
- 06: I Am Afraid of Lime Juice That Isn’t Mine
- 05: Today’s Behind-The-Scenes Look At How A Screenwriter Brushes His Teeth
- 04: WFME’s Declaration of Dependence
- 03: When A Band’s Name Should Not Be The Same
- 02: Questions Asked At A Starbucks Interview
- 01: What’s Up With All The Mango?
- 30: The Continuing Saga of Star Jones
- 30: Words For Your Enjoyment: Names on Bricks
- 29: Your Silent Cry Is Worth Its Weight In Gold
- 28: Star Jones Will Be Joining WFME
- 27: Today’s Prognosis on Disappearing Animals
- 26: A Brief Historical Timeline of My Parachute Pants
- 25: Demand My Words
- 25: Katey Sagal Has Entered The Witness Protection Program
- 24: WFME’s You Decide: Coughing Up A Lung or A Small Ferret
- 23: Words For Your Enjoyment: Best of Both Words
- 22: Quotes From A Blogger
- 21: The Homeless Are Smarter Than Me
- 20: It’s Come To My Attention That Hollywood Stars Are Reading This Blog
- 19: Why ‘The Lake House’ Is Completely Unrealistic
- 18: It’s Time To Stop Complaining About Your Paper Cuts Like They’re War Wounds
- 17: There’s A Squirrel In My Fridge
- 16: Words For Your Enjoyment: Re-Readers
- 15: WFME’s Thermal Thursday
- 14: Do Me A Favor And Please Rank This Blog Post On A Scale of 1 to 10
- 13: Subject Line Here
- 13: I Could Be Your Smell Detective
- 12: Overheard Somewhere in Swakopmund, Namibia
- 11: An Open Letter To TV Producers Who Continue To Use James Blunt Over And Over And Over Again
- 11: Stunning Admission #10
- 10: If I Had A Plastic Axe Stuck In The Side Of My Head, Instead Of a Real One
- 09: Tune-In: WGN Radio
- 09: Words For Your Enjoyment: Richard Simmons vs. Neil Diamond
- 08: Bay Area Words
- 07: I Refuse To Say ‘Uno’ In Uno
- 06: An Excerpt From My New Short Story, “Do You Want Ketchup With That?”
- 06: Words On Stage
- 05: I Should Not Be Held Accountable For Killing My Hamster
- 04: Sorry, But I’m A Couch Bigot
- 03: Midget On My Doorstep
- 02: WFME’s Rules of Hugging (For Men)
- 01: I Am Afraid of June 1st
- 31: WFME’s You Decide: A Bird In The Hand or A Bird In The Bush
- 30: Ten New Ways To Answer The Phone That Will Really Make Your Callers Intrigued (Or, Confused)
- 29: Memorial Day MP3
- 29: Today’s Blatant Admission About Feeling Gum
- 28: The No Water Go Bad Conspiracy
- 27: Today’s Thoughts On Incomplete Spoon Tasters
- 26: Words For Your Enjoyment: More Lost Blogs
- 25: Today’s Brief Question About Why You Need People To Carry Your Crap
- 24: Saliva-Watch 2006
- 23: Airlines, Podcast, Airlines
- 23: FPJ Returns, Then Leaves My Life Forever
- 22: If I Had Actually Been That Kid Eric Stoltz Played In “Mask”
- 21: Intro, Podcast, Intro
- 20: Today’s Conversation In The Airport Bathroom That Never Happened
- 19: An Assembly Line of Words
- 19: This Post Was Written In Fifteen Minutes
- 19: Words on TV
- 18: I Am Now Worth $122.76
- 18: I Love You, But That Mole On Your Cheek Really Must Go
- 17: My Dinner With Matthew Perry & Sheryl Crow
- 16: Words From The Road
- 15: Seven Paragraphs About Chicken Wraps
- 14: The Post Where Bulletpoints Figure Prominently
- 13: Three Separate Paragraphs From Three Separate E-Mails That I Decided To Delete Before Sending For A Variety Of Obvious Reasons
- 12: Catching Up With The Lost Blogs
- 11: 10 Rules For Eating Out of The Garbage
- 10: How Joe Pesci’s Speech From Goodfellas About Being A Clown Might Have Sounded If He Was Being Accused Of Being A NASA JPL Technician Instead
- 09: I Seem To Be Having A Medicine Aisle Standoff
- 09: Abe & Sarcomical
- 08: Yes. It’s Here. Really.
- 07: Six Easy Steps To Forming Your Own Successful Charity
- 06: Somebody Threw A Croissant On My Doorstep
- 05: Three Real Conversations And One Fake One
- 05: Since I’ve Used Up Every Clever Title Combination For ‘The Lost Blogs’ I’ll Refrain This Time Around
- 04: I Could Be Your Considerate Intervention Giver
- 03: An Intimate Conversation with Tom Cruise
- 02: This Post Will Only Be Good For One Hour
- 01: Today’s Thoughts on No-Skill Ladder Holders
- 30: Aquariums: Stupid Wastes Of Time or Stupid Wastes of Time?
- 29: Today’s Post Will Be About Amazon, How They’re Shipping My Book Now, How Giddy That Makes Me Feel And A Short Story About The Post Office Angel
- 28: Words For Your Enjoyment: Blog Scavenger Hunt
- 27: Today’s Prognosis on Pomegranate Juicers
- 27: More Lost Blogs, More Sports Talk
- 26: WFME’s Bad Job Wednesday: Tollbooth Taker
- 25: Illustrated Words
- 25: People Just Don’t Want To Eat A Stick of Butter
- 24: Housewarming Sayings
- 24: Two Weeks And Counting
- 23: If I Had A Disease That Caused My Bowels To Empty Every Time You Shook My Hand
- 22: It’s Time To Come Clean About My Big Head
- 21: Announcing the NEW Lost Blogs
- 21: Words For Your Enjoyment: Talking with TomKitten
- 20: An Operation of Words
- 20: I Am So Street
- 19: Excerpts From My New Book, ‘How To Get Someone To Drop A Gun’
- 18: WFME’s You Decide: Getting Hit In The Head With An Anvil or A Dead Kangaroo
- 17: I Could Be Your Expert Cloud Spotter
- 16: Winners of The Lost Blogs
- 16: Ten Rules for Making Rules
- 15: The Little (Big) Problems of a Trucker
- 14: It Is What It Is
- 13: I Am Afraid of Marco Polo
- 12: Ladybug: The Most Coddled Bug In The World
- 11: Today’s Rumors About C