I Don’t Quite Care How Many Glasses of Water You Drank Today

I try to be courteous and listen to my friends and colleagues when they talk to me.

I try to nod and look interested, periodically adding a “Mmmhmm” or a “Oh yeah” or a “No way” all the while they flap their lips, telling me about their nightmares or their car issues or the fact that the water heater in their house burst over the weekend. I try to seem engaged because that’s what a friend or colleague does when their other friend or colleage reaches out and asks to share their latest tale.

But if you’re going to talk to me about how many glasses of water you drank today..? I’m going to opt out.

The “this is how many glasses of water I drank today” goes all the way back to 1989, when doctors and scientists out at Johns Hopkins University came to the table with a startling revelation. That if YOU, normal everyday human being, were to drink close to your body weight in water each day…well… It would make you healthier. It would sweep all the toxins out of your system, free you up for the good nutrients and potentially keep you from getting sick as often as you normally did.

Getting a colonic is healthy, too — but you don’t see people talking about it to their friends.

So when you approach me with your hands in the air and give me the latest “count” for how many 8 ounce glasses of water (or bottles) you’ve downed so far throughout the day, and expect me to be jumping for joy as a result of your dedication hydration exercise, I have to just come out and say that I don’t quite care. That I would rather have someone retell me the story of Howard the Duck in vivid recollection, replete with sound effects and music queues. I would rather have to watch the last 30 minutes of Tropic Thunder and the opening musical sequence of The Hills for the rest of my life, while trapped on an island with a tormenting monkey who speaks in French. I would rather be stuffed in a box and shipped down to Mexico (much like Michael Douglas had happen to him in The Game) but not have a Rolex watch with which to bribe the local border guards, thus causing me to be stuck in the now-drug lord riddled area of Tijuana for the rest of my days….

…than to have you tell me how many glasses of water you drank today.

Bottom line? Nobody cares how much water you drank today. They also don’t care how many packs of gum you ate, how many DVDs you have in your possession or how many times you floss your teeth.

Let’s keep the water to ourselves and make the world a happier place.

What do you say?

8 comments on “I Don’t Quite Care How Many Glasses of Water You Drank Today

  1. MJBUtah - March 3, 2009 at 2:03 pm -

    3 posts in 10 days? Wow! Sorry, couldn’t let it pass without saying something.

    I won’t tell you how many glasses of water I have had today, either, since you profess not to be interested.

  2. MJBUtah - March 3, 2009 at 2:03 pm -

    want to know how many glasses of wine? mugs of coffee? drams of liquor?

  3. Pauly D - March 3, 2009 at 2:07 pm -

    I don’t even want to know how many glasses you recycled in 2008.

  4. MJBUtah - March 3, 2009 at 2:27 pm -

    actually, our local municipality won’t take glass in the recycling at all, so the answer to that one is none.

    HA! I told you anyway. Now you will know even though you don’t want to.

  5. Catherine - March 3, 2009 at 11:09 pm -

    People often do have this urge to report their Pepys’ diary-type stuff to various other hapless souls, don’t they?

  6. Jerry - March 4, 2009 at 7:51 am -

    Unless you specifically ask a “how many…?” question, I don’t see any time it is appropriate for some one to give you a running total of anything they consume, collect, do, or kill.

  7. Carmen Gonzalez - March 4, 2009 at 9:16 pm -

    The same torment you write about is cluttered throughout Twitter. (I actually like Twitter.) It shouldn’t ask what are you doing, but should instead ask what helpful or newsy or funny bit of information can you share. For example, I found your story hilarious so I shared posted a tweet to your site. 🙂

  8. groovebunny - September 4, 2009 at 7:15 pm -

    Actually I think that if you’re in one of those Colonics R Us! groups…they probably talk about how many colonics they’ve had in a 24 hour period and also what type of colonics are their faves. But I hear what you’re saying! We just moved into a new work building with 6 stories and all my co-workers always come into my office bragging about how many steps they climbed that morning to get to their office while I’m sitting there stuffing a glazed donut in my face. Can’t they just let me enjoy my elevator rides and daily donut in peace?

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