I try to be courteous and listen to my friends and colleagues when they talk to me.
I try to nod and look interested, periodically adding a “Mmmhmm” or a “Oh yeah” or a “No way” all the while they flap their lips, telling me about their nightmares or their car issues or the fact that the water heater in their house burst over the weekend. I try to seem engaged because that’s what a friend or colleague does when their other friend or colleage reaches out and asks to share their latest tale.
But if you’re going to talk to me about how many glasses of water you drank today..? I’m going to opt out.
The “this is how many glasses of water I drank today” goes all the way back to 1989, when doctors and scientists out at Johns Hopkins University came to the table with a startling revelation. That if YOU, normal everyday human being, were to drink close to your body weight in water each day…well… It would make you healthier. It would sweep all the toxins out of your system, free you up for the good nutrients and potentially keep you from getting sick as often as you normally did.
Getting a colonic is healthy, too — but you don’t see people talking about it to their friends.
So when you approach me with your hands in the air and give me the latest “count” for how many 8 ounce glasses of water (or bottles) you’ve downed so far throughout the day, and expect me to be jumping for joy as a result of your dedication hydration exercise, I have to just come out and say that I don’t quite care. That I would rather have someone retell me the story of Howard the Duck in vivid recollection, replete with sound effects and music queues. I would rather have to watch the last 30 minutes of Tropic Thunder and the opening musical sequence of The Hills for the rest of my life, while trapped on an island with a tormenting monkey who speaks in French. I would rather be stuffed in a box and shipped down to Mexico (much like Michael Douglas had happen to him in The Game) but not have a Rolex watch with which to bribe the local border guards, thus causing me to be stuck in the now-drug lord riddled area of Tijuana for the rest of my days….
…than to have you tell me how many glasses of water you drank today.
Bottom line? Nobody cares how much water you drank today. They also don’t care how many packs of gum you ate, how many DVDs you have in your possession or how many times you floss your teeth.
Let’s keep the water to ourselves and make the world a happier place.
What do you say?