Face It, Cats Don’t Like You

I often liken cats and the general feline species to a cheerleader I once knew in junior high school who often gave you this sarcastic look that either meant she hated you or wanted you to go away.

That’s because, let’s face it, cats don’t like you.

And when I say you it means all of you. Because while we all think the cats we cherish are just funny or quirky or aloof; the reality is they’re just putting up with us until the mother ship arrives and they can finally tell us all what they really think.

Latest Internet Rumors About Barack Obama (That May Make Me Question Voting For Him)

  • He’s seen Canonball Run more than ten times.
  • He likes asparagus.
  • Having grown up in Hawaii, he still isn’t a huge fan of macadamia nuts.
  • His wife chose the party favors at their wedding; he didn’t play a part in that decision at all.
  • He doesn’t know about the movie Tron (and yet he’s seen Canonball Run more than ten times.
  • CB Call Sign: Skeeter
  • Never thought those SoniCare Toothbrushes were worth it.
  • Found Sting’s ‘Dream of the Blue Turtles’ to be a “silly title.”
  • Uses Yahoo for Internet searches
  • Thinks more African-Americans like Kevin Clash (the voice of Elmo) should give back to the puppeteering community and help more African-Americans create fuzzy monsters for PBS.

It’s Time To Retire The Oh My Godder

“Oh My God.”

It is a phrase that originally went hand and hand with things like alien spaceship landings, flying superheroes and huge catastrophic flipping ocean liners. But lately, it seems to be a phrase that just about any writer loves to use to apply what I like to call “the amazing” to things that are sort of, kind of, pretty much not amazing at all.

From overflowing sinks to someone seeing their name on the big jumbotron in New York City’s time square, it is a sound byte that is supposed to make us not change the channel because we think something amazing is coming up.

Sad thing is…the “Oh My Godder” isn’t much of any amazing…anymore.