The Comedy Schoolings of Mike Myers

As someone based and working in Hollywood, I run into a lot of celebrities.

As someone working in Hollywood, I try my best not to talk about celebrities I run into or work with simply based on the fact that they’re people just like you and me. In fact, I’ve known many a celebrity to not wash their hands after going to the bathroom (just like you!) or steal a free bite from the pile ‘o apples at the local supermarket…just like you! But sometimes…an event occurs that I cannot keep quiet about.

This time…that event is my attending The Mike Myers Comedy School.

Steve Jobs Is Skinny (And Other Headlines For Upcoming Wall Street Journal Articles)

Did you know that Steve Jobs looked skinny at yesterday’s Apple Developer’s Conference? It was where they unveiled the new iPhone.

But the Wall Street Journal online wanted the world to know that Steve Jobs is skinny.

So here’s a list of future headlines for the Wall Street Journal online so they can keep with the trend of particularly obvious and insignificant news headlines, while instilling the confidence in their readership that no matter what happens in the world (no matter how small), they will be there to shine a light on what’s happening:

  • Disney’s Wall-E: Movie About Robot Not Real Life
  • Gas Prices Rise, Consumers Pay More
  • Barack Obama is Black, McCain White
  • U.S. Dollar Not Worth a Dollar
  • Dream of the Blue Turtles Not Sting’s Most Well Received CD
  • Bird Flu, Not Flu At All
  • Larry King Wears Big Glasses, Eyesight Not 20/20
  • 4 out of 5 Dentists Prefer Crest

Classic Movie Words

Next to the classic Patton speech, this one is legendary:

“You broke your arm once before, remember? You fell out of our treehouse. Kenneth picked you up. And we carried you twelve blocks to the hospital. We were all friends then, remember? And now you want to end his life because he’s talking to Patty on your side of the cafeteria. Oh man, it’s stupid. I know, cause that’s where I wanted to be — on your side with your crowd, but I messed up. See, I tried to buy my way in. But Kenneth — he’s not trying to buy anybody. He’s trying to make friends, being himself. Cools, nerds, your side, my side…man it’s all bull. It’s just tough enough being yourself.”