Today’s Ambiguous Conversation With Snoopy Drugstore Cashier Lady

[Hypothetical character named (let’s just say) Pauly D, at the cashier station in a local drug store. He puts toilet paper, toothpaste and a Twix bar on the counter. Hypothetical, blonde-haired, mid-40’s cashier is behind the counter.]

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Hi.”

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “Somebody’s got big plans today.”

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Sorry?”

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “A Twix bar? Toilet paper and toothpaste? C’mon. Sure, you’re missing the magazine — but let’s not pretend we both don’t know where you’re going the minute you get home.”

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “And that would be…where?”

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “Nevermind.”

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Seriously, I don’t know what you mean.”

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “TWIX.”

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Uh huh?”

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “Toilet paper.”

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “And toothpaste. So?”

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “Sorry, maybe it’s none of my business. That’s eleven-fifty two.”

[Hypothetical character Pauly D pays. Hypothetical Blonde Cashier takes it, leery.]

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “You’re that transparent, FYI.”

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Yeah, thanks.”

[The Hypotheticals part ways, and still, nothing is clarified.]

11 comments on “Today’s Ambiguous Conversation With Snoopy Drugstore Cashier Lady

  1. Catherine - May 24, 2008 at 8:59 pm -

    I … um. What? My imagination’s got nothin’ on this lady’s, I guess. What in the world?

  2. Jaana - May 24, 2008 at 9:54 pm -

    Hmm. Could she must have mistaken you for MacGyver?

  3. Jaana - May 24, 2008 at 9:55 pm -

    ^^ Nice, should have removed the “must”. sigh. It’s late.

  4. Stacey - May 25, 2008 at 7:13 am -

    Clearly she was jealous of your plans NOT to have to use a public toilet. Or something.

  5. Pauly D - May 25, 2008 at 9:24 am -

    Yeah, I’m still not sure what she meant.

  6. Brenda - May 25, 2008 at 3:38 pm -

    Okay, my main concern here is what type of toothpaste, toilet paper and Twix was being bought because it sound very expensive! Was it super-duper quadruple ply and a special edition Twix? I’m just saying….

  7. Susan - May 25, 2008 at 4:37 pm -

    That’s totally weird, what could she have possibly, hypothetically meant??
    I mean, if you had put a king sized KitKat, toilet paper and travel sized strawberry shampoo on the counter, then I can totally see what she meant.

  8. jacquie - May 26, 2008 at 10:32 am -

    I still don’t see what Snoopy has to do with it? When she talked, did she sound like the Peanuts teacher? “Wah wah wah wah wah wah? “

  9. jerry - May 29, 2008 at 7:07 am -

    been there, Paul. Trust me, a Snickers bar works a lot better.

  10. Ann - June 1, 2008 at 10:51 am -

    ….What?

  11. Angela - June 20, 2008 at 7:29 am -

    I can imagine this hypothetical cashier as a character in one of the “My Hobby” style xkcd cartoons. “My Hobby: Confusing the hell out of customers with incomprehensible innuendo”

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