Today’s Ambiguous Conversation With Snoopy Drugstore Cashier Lady
May 24th, 2008
[Hypothetical character named (let's just say) Pauly D, at the cashier station in a local drug store. He puts toilet paper, toothpaste and a Twix bar on the counter. Hypothetical, blonde-haired, mid-40's cashier is behind the counter.]
Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Hi.”
Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “Somebody’s got big plans today.”
Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Sorry?”
Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “A Twix bar? Toilet paper and toothpaste? C’mon. Sure, you’re missing the magazine — but let’s not pretend we both don’t know where you’re going the minute you get home.”
Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “And that would be…where?”
Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “Nevermind.”
Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Seriously, I don’t know what you mean.”
Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “TWIX.”
Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Uh huh?”
Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “Toilet paper.”
Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “And toothpaste. So?”
Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “Sorry, maybe it’s none of my business. That’s eleven-fifty two.”
[Hypothetical character Pauly D pays. Hypothetical Blonde Cashier takes it, leery.]
Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “You’re that transparent, FYI.”
Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Yeah, thanks.”
[The Hypotheticals part ways, and still, nothing is clarified.]
I … um. What? My imagination’s got nothin’ on this lady’s, I guess. What in the world?
Comment by Catherine — May 24, 2008 @ 8:59 pm
Hmm. Could she must have mistaken you for MacGyver?
Comment by Jaana — May 24, 2008 @ 9:54 pm
^^ Nice, should have removed the “must”. sigh. It’s late.
Comment by Jaana — May 24, 2008 @ 9:55 pm
Clearly she was jealous of your plans NOT to have to use a public toilet. Or something.
Comment by Stacey — May 25, 2008 @ 7:13 am
Yeah, I’m still not sure what she meant.
Comment by Pauly D — May 25, 2008 @ 9:24 am
Okay, my main concern here is what type of toothpaste, toilet paper and Twix was being bought because it sound very expensive! Was it super-duper quadruple ply and a special edition Twix? I’m just saying….
Comment by Brenda — May 25, 2008 @ 3:38 pm
That’s totally weird, what could she have possibly, hypothetically meant??
I mean, if you had put a king sized KitKat, toilet paper and travel sized strawberry shampoo on the counter, then I can totally see what she meant.
Comment by Susan — May 25, 2008 @ 4:37 pm
I still don’t see what Snoopy has to do with it? When she talked, did she sound like the Peanuts teacher? “Wah wah wah wah wah wah? “
Comment by jacquie — May 26, 2008 @ 10:32 am
been there, Paul. Trust me, a Snickers bar works a lot better.
Comment by jerry — May 29, 2008 @ 7:07 am
….What?
Comment by Ann — June 1, 2008 @ 10:51 am
I can imagine this hypothetical cashier as a character in one of the “My Hobby” style xkcd cartoons. “My Hobby: Confusing the hell out of customers with incomprehensible innuendo”
Comment by Angela — June 20, 2008 @ 7:29 am