Reality TV Show Idea #45: Bathroom Splashers!

Title: Bathroom Splashers!

Concept: Ten contestants, picked from a nationwide audition process held in local Bed, Bath & Beyonds are challenged to wash their hands in a public bathroom in a timely manner, with the least amount of splash-residue. At the end of a ten week competition, two will remain — and one will go away with $100,000, a brand-new hi-tech designed bathroom and a year’s supply of Dial Antibacterial Soap.

Why It’s A Winner: Next to climbing Mount Everest and eating three packets of saltine crackers in a minute without water…washing ones’ hands without leaving a general sink/water residue is the toughest skill to develop. Current unscripted TV shows give wannabe-chefs the chance to get a dream job doing what they love… Overweight folks get the chance to lose weight and win money… Even nerds and beauty-queens get the opportunity to exist outside their comfort zone and go home a winner. In comparison to Bathroom Splashers!, these previously aforementioned shows have only half the entertainment value.

What’s Entertaining About It? Bathroom Splashers! brings the most annoying part of using a public bathroom to your home entertainment experience. How often do you walk up to a public bathroom sink/countertop and find water everywhere…as if someone took a bath in the sink itself? That frustration bridges racial stereotypes, financial gaps and religious ideologies in this country (and the world). Everyone knows how tough it is to keep the water IN the sink and OFF the countertop. Everyone can eat a scorpion or a bull’s testicle, but keeping water in the sink? That’s tough cookies, folks. Watching hapless Bed, Bath & Beyond patrons try to win the big money by washing their hands will blow shows like The Amazing Race (or, as we like to call it The American Airlines Ticket Challenge) and Survivor out of the water (no pun intended).

How Can I Apply? Application details will be available as soon as this project is purchased by a major network or cable channel for production. I will keep you updated on this.

Are You Feeling Confident This Can Be Made? Yes. Yes I am.

Today’s Ambiguous Conversation With Snoopy Drugstore Cashier Lady

[Hypothetical character named (let’s just say) Pauly D, at the cashier station in a local drug store. He puts toilet paper, toothpaste and a Twix bar on the counter. Hypothetical, blonde-haired, mid-40’s cashier is behind the counter.]

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Hi.”

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “Somebody’s got big plans today.”

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Sorry?”

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “A Twix bar? Toilet paper and toothpaste? C’mon. Sure, you’re missing the magazine — but let’s not pretend we both don’t know where you’re going the minute you get home.”

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “And that would be…where?”

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “Nevermind.”

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Seriously, I don’t know what you mean.”

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “TWIX.”

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Uh huh?”

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “Toilet paper.”

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “And toothpaste. So?”

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “Sorry, maybe it’s none of my business. That’s eleven-fifty two.”

[Hypothetical character Pauly D pays. Hypothetical Blonde Cashier takes it, leery.]

Hypothetical Character Blonde Cashier: “You’re that transparent, FYI.”

Hypothetical Character Named Pauly D: “Yeah, thanks.”

[The Hypotheticals part ways, and still, nothing is clarified.]

Indiana Jones and the Jungle of the Swinging Shias

I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull tonight.

Instead of giving you a review of the movie, which millions of bloggers are most likely doing at this very moment. And instead of telling you about the first time I saw Raiders as a kid and how my friends and I pretended our faces were melting in our sleeping bags later that night… And instead of telling you how I think the film lives up to its predecessors or how Harrison Ford held up in the action sequences…

I’m going instead, to review the movie-within-the-movie…which I’m currently calling Indiana Jones and the Jungle of the Swinging Shias. (One insignificant spoiler ahead.)

The Seinfeld Babysitting Question

If you had to have one of the characters from Seinfeld babysit your kids (or take care of your dog while on vacation) who would it be?

And if your choice is Jerry, give me a follow up choice and why.

I’m still not sure which one I’d choose.